Leavin when you are both still in love

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
Leavin when you are both still in love
6
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 3:23pm
So my ex and i had dated for a little over a year and he became increasingly busy with work. It began to really affect our relationship. He couldn't find the time to make time for us in his busy schedule. I am still very much in love with him i thought that he was the one. He is confused about what he wants and how to make the choices to make sure we work and his career does not take a hit. So we broke up. We still talk because the relationship did not end on bad terms. How do you get over a relationship where we were both honset and still want to be together but can't because he can't make time for the commitment I want?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2006
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 3:34pm

It is def. hard. In my case we fought a lot so we broke up a couple times. We were def still in love though, even though both times he said he had moved on. but we got back together twice.

In any case I would stop talking to him as much. If you are both committed to getting back together than this shouldn't affect the relationship too much. It will also give you time to take stock of your feelings and get reaquinted with yourself. Should you guys not get back together you will already be prepared for being alone. It will still hurt but it will hurt less because of this time you are taking for yourself. And if you do end up being together you will have taken time for yourself and become a better person so you will be better in your relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2006
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 10:37am
My ex just broke up with me 2 weeks ago because he just doesn't have the time for me (lives an hour and a half away, has 2 kids, works). Long story but I accept the decision. I had basically told him he had to figure out what he wanted to do and I got my answer. He says we should be friends, that he wants me to call. Of course I call because I miss him and I still want to be with him. But I realize that the more I maintain contact, the harder it is for me. It keeps me involved in his life when I need to be backing away. I do love him and want to be there for him, but I want more than a friendship right now. And the more I talk to him, the harder it is on me. My point is that we need time to heal before we can truly be friends with an ex. All break upas are hard, but it really sucks when both people want to be together but circumstances don'tt allow for it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2006
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 11:24am

Hey, I'm a guy and I'm gonna say this - NO job is worth breaking up a relationship over. Why? Because in the ranking of life, Number One is your relationship, Number TWO is your job, not the other way around. You can always find new work, different work, whatever, but you can't replace the perfect mate nearly as easily.

How you're going to convince him of that, I don't have a pat answer. But I will tell you this - if you two REALLY matched, REALLY were ideal together (even if you have difference, differences don't mean it can't work longterm), he was REALLY the one and he feels that way about you, you guys need to get together and try to salvage this thing. Work will always pull you away from everything else worth a damn in life, that's why it's called WORK, and not called PLAY or FUNTIME or PAAAR-TEEEE!!!

But it shouldn't undermine what's truly important about your life - your relationship. That's paramount, I believe it, I live by it (perhaps to the irriation of my boss...KIDDING, I'M KIDDING!). Talk w/ your man again, see if you can resurrect what you had.

It's a relationship, it ain't a tissue that you toss when it's no longer served it's purpose.

Ok, now I'm worn out. Go forth and run point on this...that's a basketball term, if you were not clear.

David
www.BeBetterGuys.com
The Guy's Guide to Getting a Life

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2006
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 2:23pm
I know exactly how you feel. I have been in this same situation for 6 years now and even though I love him and I think he loves me, he can't seem to make the time for us. Our relationship needs a lot of work, there are trust issues because I found out he was calling other women instead of confiding in me. Until they know what really is important to them, us or other committments I don't think there is any hope. I have left the relationship so many times but he has always talked me into coming back with the promise of changes but they never happen. I wish you all the luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 2:36pm
well, same here. we were together for 2 years. then broke up. he started a new company, worked a lot and was out of town. so you know, we decided to go separate ways. it was super hard. we haven't talked for 9 months. not because we didn't care, but we thought it would be easier to get over it that way. we spoke 9 months later (because he's still my best friend, i miss him as a friend more then a boyfriend, and i finally felt that i can talk to him without crying) to find out that we still have feelings. we started seeing each other again, got closer (not too close because i knew the issue remains). but same thing. we want to be together, and we can't. so we had to get distant again, because it doesn't make sense to be so close if it goes nowhere. i say try to keep the distance. you don't have to eliminate that person from your life. but talk less on the phone. when you talk to him, you get closer, and then you are back to reality and you try to pull away and it hurts. in your case if you truly love each other, sometimes time helps to see what matters more. you probably should follow that guy's advise and talk to him and try to work things out. when you truly love somebody, you should try everything to make it work. also time is everything. it heals, it helps to make things happen. you never know, you may end up together. but for now just live your life, do things that you like and try to be happy. you'll see how it goes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
Sat, 11-11-2006 - 10:03pm
Thanks it really helps to hear things from a guys perspective. You have really given me some hope for this relationship. I will try to talk to him about this and you are right if this is the real thing then, WORK won't get in the way.