Left hanging and wondering where we are?
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| Tue, 03-07-2006 - 9:48pm |
Sorry for the book girls but here goes........
I have been in a 6 month serious exclusive relationship with a girl.
For a little background info, We have both been married and divorced twice. We both have young adult childred from our former spouses....While I'm fully past and moved on from my former marrages she has suffered the lost of her father and the breakup of her 2nd marriage (of 17yrs) within a 6 month time frame.....This all happened to her 1-1 1/2 years ago. Needless to say she was being treated for major deppression.. She and I did some causual dating with others before we met 6+ months ago...
We really hit it off immediatlly were able to share feelings openlly and were very comfortable together. Spending a lot/most of of our free time together was a mutually agreed upon situation.Dinners, just hanging, weekends........Very nice
To spare all the details, we fell in love within a couple of months. Really becoming somewhat of a family and including each other in family functions. We still live in our individual houses but spending like I said most of our free time together. Thanksgiving past then Christmas together as one big "extended family".
During this time,we were able to really communicate thoughts and feeling about our relationship as well as former ones. Her former ones were somewhat abusive compared to mine
While we both have experiences being cheated on by spouses...Hers was the most recent and very devastating to her. She had/is having trouble getting past the hurt, some trouble sleeping, some self medicating (wine)....
Fast foward to the present...
Within the past 2 weeks, we have gone together on an overnight trip to New York City w/ her 15 yr old son during winter recess, have had a wonderfull lunch date, dinner out, dinner at her place with our kids.
While we were in NYC her college age daughter who was left in charge of "watching" the house up and left without warning to go to Florida on her own little vacation. Leaving house and pets unattended.Basically quitting school and leaving her job etc so mom said that when she gets home she out after pulling a stunt like that........ So that left a blemish on our otherwise great trip.
Heres my dillemma.....
After me taking one night off to stay home for the night , I have been given the silent treatment from my girlfriend. I called her to let her know that I was staying in for the night and she stated that she "has been living like she is married but she's not" That she needs to figure out her priorities but she's not sure what they are..that she doesn't want to "hurt me" That she needs a little time to figure things out...
Well its only been 5-6 days of not seeing/talking to each other but it FEELS like a lot longer. I totally understand the issues/stress/depression going on in her life right now BUT I feel that she's blowing me off. Maybe even breaking up with me without coming out and telling me?!?!
I've respected her by not calling her to bug her about US even tho it hard not knowing what will happen to us...
Does it sound like she's ready to break up OR does she just need a little time alone dealing with these personal issues of hers ?

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It sounds like things are moving a little too fast for her and she just wants to take a bit of a breather. Having been divorced twice, I'm sure the seriousness of your relationship is scary for her. Maybe her feelings for you are scaring her. Since she hasn't fully recovered from her previous relationship, she probably entered into your relationship without fully thinking about it and let things go further than she would have had she been thinking clearly. No matter what her reasons, you have no choice but to give her the time and space she needs to think things through. Only time will tell if she is indeed breaking up with you...she may not even know herself. But it hasn't even been a week yet. Give it a little longer and if you feel the need to go on with your life, do so. If she wants to be with you, she'll find you when she's ready.
Steph
Thanks for the reply.
This hard, I'm trying to stay busy but still have a sinking feeling with each day that passes and not hearing from her. Dont mean to sound whiney but geez, a week ago today we were having a wonderfull (or so I thought) dinner together.......
Will welcome any and all advice. Thanks.
Oh and p.s. What do I even say/ask IF she were to call??? This me very messed up right now
Edited 3/8/2006 6:34 pm ET by bozo63
If you haven't already thought of doing so - Send her flowers with a 'thinking of you' note attached. You will definitely receive a response...and when you do, just be yourself!
Good Luck,
Well, I just sent the flowers.....
I've had suggestions ranging from run like h!ll, to "be there to support her through her depressive episode"....and the last one came from a guy!
Trying to be strong and upbeat here but its tough!
hi bozo63
i'm assuming that both of you are waiting for each other...who's going to make that first move!!! i mean your the man so you have to do it and if she sound that she not longer interested to you. its time to comfront her...and what ever her desicion is you have to accept it!!! AND ONE THING TELL HER THAT YOU GUYS ARE NOT TEENAGER TO BE ACTING ONE AND I'M ASSUMING AT YOUR STAGE NOW ITS TIME TO SETTLE DOWN AND FIND THE RIGHT PERSON FOR YOU GUYS...IT DOESNT MATTER WANT KIND OF PROBLEM YOU GUYS FACING....REMEMBER IF YOU LOVE SOME ONE YOU HAVE TO FIGHT FOR YOUR FEELING.
Well like I stated earlier, I sent a dozen roses to her house today.
And yes this got a reply phone call thanking me and an invatation to come over for dinner(something we used to do almost nightly). She suggested that we could share a glass of wine and talk then, also that her 15yr old son would be there also and happy to see me. She also appologized for "torturing me" but she is dealing with "lots of stuff right now".
In my gut I feel like I'm headed to the gallows at 5p.m., sounds like she may use tonight to break things off w/ me..thats my thoughts.
why are you thinking wrong/negative right now? after she told you that the son WAS happy to see you and for my opinion coz i'm a mother too. if i saw my bf and my son have some attachment. this makes me more love my bf!!
it means you show her that whatever she have right now you accept it and thats the good thing...so later at the dinner act nothing happen. if she didnt open up anything dont say nothing at all! JUST TELL HER HOW MUST YOU MISSES HER AND KIDS THAT IT! IF SHE SAY SORRY ACCEPT IT AND TELL HER YOU GUYS DONT NEED TO TALK ABOUT THAT "PAST IS PAST".AND MOVE ON!!
GOOD LUCK
Perhaps you're right jazz.
Maybe instead of feeling like i'm freaking out here maybe I should just relax and see how it goes tonight.
p.s. she just called and said they are running late from Dr.s appointment that her son has. I called her back and told her to concentrate on her son's Dr's office visit . to give me a call when they get done.
see that she even called you to tell you what their doing...it means she care AND SHE EXCITED TO SEE YOU ALSO!! GOOD LUCK
IF I WERE YOU LATER BRING SOMETHING FOR THE KIDS!!! JUST TO SHOW HER AND THE KIDS THAT YOU REALLY LIKE/LOVE THEM...SOMETHING LIKE CAKE, FRUITS OR CALL HER ASK WHAT THE KIDS WANT>>
Now that you have cleared a path - relax - leave all negativity and pressures to resume
a normal routine with her at your place.
Allow the lady to lead this dance...okay?
Please post back and let us know how things are going
We care and we support you
Moet~
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