Left Wondering: What if?
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|Tue, 04-16-2013 - 11:07am|
Hello so i have many questions regarding my break up i just would like other peoples opinions. Please try to give me the best advice while still being nice. I have been on other forums and everyone was way to critical and didnt take the time to actually answer them instead they just broke down the basic info and threw it back in my face. Sorry if it is an essay i just want to give everyone as much information as possible.
My boyfriend and i were together for 4 years. He was my very first boyfriend met at 18 and my first for everything else. He had other girlfriends before me but i was his longest by a long shot. We had our major ups and downs in the relationship. We live a good half hour car ride away from one another so during school it was very difficult to see eachother. Once we graduated High school things got really rocky. Our lives began to become very different like our goals (i was going to university he wasnt) We managed to stay together for another 1.5 year but it got to be too much for us to balance it and at the time he was hanging with people i did not approve of and they were always putting ideas in his head to dump me. Well he ended up doing just that. A month later he contacted me and we got back together over time we started fresh or so i thought.
It was sumer of last year we got back together we saw one another everyday no fights nothing we were perfect even when school started up again we were really good he even wanted me to move in but i couldnt due to me being right in the middle of my studies so we agreed to do it this May. When January came around my ex started to have alot of persnal difficulties he bought a car and was laid off for the winter from his job so was worried about his car payments. He always complained he had no money and i would try to be there for him but not as much as i could be due to school. I would take us out when i could and stay over when i could but it wasnt good enough. We got into little pointless fights about not being able to see eachother as much and when i would see him on some days hed drag me to a friends house instead of spending time with me. But other than that nothing too serious i ignored alot fo his mood swings just because i knew he was going through a hard time.
On St pattys day is when we broke up. We were fine before that i even asked him many times the few weeks before if he still loved me and he said yes i cant see myself without you im just going through my own stuff. We were fine that day right up until 9pm. I was sick at home with a fever so couldnt attend his moms birthday which he really wanted me to go to and i couldnt celebrate st pattys day with him. I texted him after a nap and he said he was out with friends his dad and a friend lent him money to go out. He said he wasnt drunk and the next time he saw me we had to talk. I asked about what and he said we have been trying so hard to see one another and its just not changing nothing feels different. (we argued about seeing one another more) I told him to be patient and that once school was done wede see eachother everyday because we were to move in together. He then said thats the thing i dont think i can live with someone like you not because we dont see eachother often but because i dont think i feel the same way about you as i did or used to. This got me upset and i lost it i told him i wasnt happy and i was tired of always being the one to try and make sacrafices in my life to see him when he didnt do the same. i told him to not contact me again and that i was better off single. We never talked in person this was over text and he blocked me on fb two days later.
Well a few weeks went by i was happy going on dates doing my thing then i noticed he unblocked me because pictures he tagged me in popped up again. I joined this online dateing site called plenty of fish and you can view who viewed you and well in the last week its almost been a month since the breakup he managed to somehow find me. I dont know how because there are millions of people and he doesnt show up in my matches. I feel like we need to speak in person about the whole situation.
So finally my questions:
Why would he take the time to unblock me on fb and find me on plenty of fish its not like a told him i was on the cite?
We have been NC for a month and i want to speak to him not to get back together but to figure out what happened why he said those things do you think this is a good idea or should i wait for him to contact?
Do you think hell contact even though i told him not to?
And i know noone reads minds but based on the situation do you think he still loves me? And may want to text me but is afraid?
Do you think i jumped the gun on breaking up with him? Would there have been a chance for us?
IS there still a chance? we were together for 4 years after all.
Honest opinions please i really need advice. i dont want to seem desperate or scare him off if and when i do contact him after my exams are done. I just miss him so much for some reason now.