Let go and forgive?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2005
Let go and forgive?
2
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 8:15pm

OK I'll try to explain this quick...I'm 25 (and am extremely jealous, but gave him lots of room), hes 23, and we dated for 3 yrs.
-He said he wanted to date others so I said lets take a break and he said ok, leaving it open to see if we could get back together
-the next day I see in his email that hes been seeing another girl for about 6 months and he says it "just kinda happened"
-I get all mad, write emotional emails, cried everyday and tried to help the broken heart
-I went away for a few days and felt better
-I'm doing good now but a pic of them keeps popping up in my mind when im not busy during the day or if a song or something reminds me of him, I get all sad and so much anger is felt towards BOTH of them

Does any one have any ideas to make the idea of them to stop coming? and if he wants to get back together should I forgive but not forget?

And if we get back together, how can I remove "HER" from the whole situation?

Thanks for your advice in advance!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
Thu, 04-20-2006 - 8:55am

Well this is a tricky situation, but you do have control.

You're going to have to make a decision on whether you want to stay with this guy, knowing he a)has been seeing someone else and b)has the potential to do it again, even if you get back together.

The image of "them" is not going to go away on its own (I know, I've had the same image in my head before... trust me). And most likely, if you do get back together and the other girl gets wind of it, "she" will not go away. She'll probably even fight harder for him (the nature of us jealous girls).

So... what do YOU want? It seems like he wants an "open" relationship and that obviously is not cool with you. If he can't be monogamous with you, you're going to have to move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 04-20-2006 - 12:18pm

In addition to the good advice you already got, (if I read your post correctly) he was seeing this girl while still with you? If so, why would you ever want the lying, cheating guy back in your life? Oh, you love him, sorry, but you deserve way better, to be respected, valued, etc.

And for the record, you can't get HER out of the situation, because HE WANTS HER right now. Even if you got back together, she will never be erased. I know that is hard to hear, but I hope you can focus on your needs and your healing instead of the other woman.


Carrie