Let help eachother get over the fool...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Let help eachother get over the fool...
1
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 7:20pm

This my third break up with my SO the finally one. Each time it hurt I felt like I was dying at times I didnt feel honestly like I could go on with out him in my life. I want everyone to post what helped you move on after loving someone. We dont need to feel like this forever I'll be honest the first time I cried in bed for two months TWO MONTHS I called him to hear his voice. I go out and compare every man to him and then go home and go through his pictures. THIS DID NOT WORK. The 2nd time I got smarter and will pretty much do the same this time the only difference is not go back to him once he comes running back. LAdies this time it is over!
and this is wh!!

**it will take some time you will want to hold on to things that give you memories that remind you of him/her. At two weeks I went through my clothes and my packed stuff. I threw out every article of clothing that I looked at remembered a date or event with him. I basically got a new wardrobe. Weird as it sounds I threw out bras/underwear as well. All of it. It made me feel already like a new person. (((Something that he didnt know.))) I took every picture and put it away . If i really wanted to remember him I could use my memory. I threw out bears gifts and such or at the very least threw them in a box marked k and put them up in the attic away from me.

***you will feel exhausted tired sad, you will just want to lay in bed. I know I did. If you have friends GO OUT. NO you will not enjoy this you will be depressed. But what you need to understand is every memory you now create is a memory not including him. And each one will build your life back up and push your past further and further away. Dont be afraid of moving on if you need to his memories will always be tucked away, you have access anytime you want. Dont be afraid of creating a new life. You will not lose him. Because you will never forget him. :)

***date not sexual but as friends. Even if hes not cute if hes not your type get to know him BE HIS friend get a drink with him go out to lunch with him. You probably wont be attracted to anyone for a while regardless. That doesnt mean you cant make new friends of the opposite sex. This did help me alot.

***AND NO MATTER what you do DO NOT call him ever. You dont need to be his friend. If he did he will be calling you. H*ll if he did he wouldnt have hurt you this bad. Your going to feel such pain that the only way you feel it will be relieved is if you make that one call. YES hearing their voice makes you feel good for THAT moment. Its a relief like a good pill ha. But I guarantee you will feel horrible again. This did not fix the problem. When you first have that feeling fight it go out for a walk turn you cell off. At the end of the night remind yourself how proud you are for not calling the jerk. HONESTLY each time after you get that feeling, by not calling him you become stronger that desire will start to fade as you become more in control

***let yourself be sad. Dont try to fight it. You loved and you lost you will mourn. Accept this feeling. Accept the hurt but like I said still go out dont dwell at home. Its is perfectly fine to be depressed. After all you have a heart.

***know everytime you walk outside every person you see smile and laugh has been through the same hurt as you at one time. Now look at them they are HAPPY. You are not the only one who will ever feel this dont ever believe you are all alone. I know at times it feels that way. Look at people in their 2nd 3rd marriages. They are happy as well. They felt the same hurt. You dont need to believe you will be there someday I know it doesnt feel that way today or tomorrow or maybe in another month. But "know" that evenutally this will subside you will find happiness. You are worth what these same people have who are smiling and laughing. You are no different.

This is what worked for me and I think two months down the road will work for me as well it hard accepting. I put more into this then i should have. In the end i was the only one trying each time. He didnt care. These things helped me move on. I learned from my mistakes I learned how to mourn and move on through him. And this time I am staying away for good!

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 7:52pm
Thanks so much for this post, lex. It's a really good guide to getting through those first few really hard weeks. I hope you begin to feel better and better. Thank you for giving so much to the board. Hugs to you.