A letter for you Taylor.................
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| Tue, 06-15-2004 - 9:04pm |
Today has been very hard for me for some reason. I normally cry a little everyday I guess, but today I can't seem to stop. For some reason I woke up this morning with so many things that all traced back to you, things that I missed. Some of the things, maybe I took for granted, but most of them you know I adored about you and tonight I wish more than anything in this world that I could just have one "Ordinary" day with you back, so that I could breathe again and not have such a heavy weight bearing down on my heart.It's such a hard thing to carry and sometimes I just think I can't go on with it in tow.
There are so many things I'd like to see, hear and feel again. I don't really know where to start. I know when I wake up in the morning, I miss the kiss. I miss the kiss either of us gave to the other on the cheek before we left to go to work. Wether it was you heading off to your job, or me going to work on a weekend at the firehouse, I miss those quick reminders that told us, even though we were going out into the world on out own, our hearts were still at home with whoever was lucky enough to sleep late.
I miss hearing your voice, when you'd call me 2 or 3 times a day just to say "Hi" or to let me know how your day was going at work. I miss sneaking into the store where you worked and grabbing you and hugging you from behind, hearing you squeek and giggle as you realize it was me. I miss you telling me how much those surprise trips made your day, or how jealous the other girls were that their boyfriends never thought to do those things for them
.
I miss being on the computer when you'd come home to the apartment, your happy voice as you'd come running into the room and throw down your bag to jump in my lap and kiss me. Or maybe those times when you'd come in and want to play, we'd end up on the floor and even though you always lost, you'd want the challenge of a tickle fight. I miss the defiant scream as you laughed and begged for mercy. I still think the neighbors thought I beat you.
I miss Sadie too. I still remember locking you out of the apartment and then holding her fuzzy head up in the window so you could see we didn't have to wait anymore for her and she was finally adopted.You literally beat the door down and I never told you this, but you acted so excited to have her that it made me almost cry. I guess because no one had ever acted so happy to have something from me. I miss watching her jump on your head. or maybe pounce on your toe and nip it, only to run off before you could catch her.I miss how she used to sleep on top of my head when you weren't home, how she'd bat me on the head purring to wake me up to feed her. I wonder now, when you look at her at your house, if she ever reminds you of me these days.
I miss those times when you let me help you study, or maybe I fixed you dinner while you did your homework. I was always so proud of you and I'm not sure you believed me when I told you. Even working a fulltime job, you still managed "A's" going to night school. I could have never done that and when you did, it made me feel good to know I helped, even in just little ways.
I miss sleeping beside you, wether it was you laughing and talking in your sleep, or just the times I woke up and turned to see you sleeping with the moon on your face. You don't know it, but sometimes I would lean close to you and just breathe in your hair and watch you. During those times I felt so sure of life. I knew who I was and why I was put on this Earth after searching for so many years. It was to love and be your friend and it was the most unbelievable feeling I have ever had in my life.
I guess I could go on, but I know you'll never read this so I need to stop. I know I can't call you anymore and if I sent this to you it wouldn't matter because your heart has flown away. I wish I knew what made you stop loving me. I wish I knew why the smiles we shared and the laughs and love I gave you weren't enough to keep you in my life. I try very hard to see the reasons and understand your thoughts, but if you missed just 1 thing for every 100 I miss about you, I just don't understand why I have to be without you. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do, I've lost a best friend and had some very sad times in my life, but none of them have compared to losing your smile.
I wish I could send this to you tonight and maybe share my heart and it's hurts with you, so that you might see something you don't right now. I know that it'd be pointless, so on a wish and a prayer I'm posting this on a message board tonight, on hopes that you might oneday come upon it and know how much I love you and how lost I am now that you had to say goodbye to me.
Yours,
Mine

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I wish I could give you a big hug because you sound like you need one. Just know that you are not alone and at least one person out there is thinking of you, wishing you well.
I don't understand how a guy like you could be in the place you're at. It sounds like your Taylor has a lot on her shoulders right now. Sometimes when that happens we lose sight of what is precious in our lives. I lost someone I'll never forget and it really hit me tonight all over again when I read your letter. I'd give anything to have my lost love back.
I let school drown my heart and convinced myself that love would have to wait until I got through school and a career started. I'm thoroughly convinced that he was my knight. It's been 4 years and I haven't met a single guy that has even came close to what he was to me. He took care of me when I was sick, supported me through all of my bad times and was my very best friend. I broke him in half and he left my world. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him.
Please just know that women on this board are here because they don't have someone like you in their life. Most of the women on here have very big issues with their boyfriends or husbands and so when we read something like your letter and it's depth it really touches us, or at least it did me :)
Thank you for posting that, I know it was something you would have rather shared with Taylor, but if not hers, it will touch some hearts that might need to know that guys like you are out there.
Maybe something will happen in the future that will make her see what something has made her forget and she'll come back to you? If she doesn't, you need to understand that by putting those words down and having those kinds of emotions for someone, there will surely be a day when someone spots you as the treasure you are and they'll take these nights where your eyes are filled with tears and make them a distant memory, replacing your tears with smiles :)
Please be safe and know that we care about you! If you need someone to talk to feel free to e-mail me!
Friends,
Lisa
I know there is probably a lot more to the story and I'm sure your ex is a great catch if she has earned your love and heart. Maybe she just needs some time to figure out something in her heart? I know that guys like you, that is if you translate well from reading your letter, are very hard to find.
If she never does come back, she'll probably never forget those things you mentioned you did for her, or maybe the things you didn't mention as well? Sometimes it doesn't happen though until we fall for someone else and they show their true colors to be less than pleasant, it's sad to think it has to take that sometimes.
We only get a few rare chances at someone who will offer us "Unconditional" love in our lifetimes and if we don't see them when they are in front of us, I think we're hard pressed to ever get over the fact we had a chance at it. My boyfriend loves me a lot. But I've never heard or seen emotions like that come out of him for me.
Just know I feel for you and I really hope something wonderful happens to you, I definitely think you deserve something or someone special :) When I see my next star I'll make a wish on it for you!!!
i wish i had some words of wisdom to help you...but honestly...i'm speechless.
please take care of you.
~andrea
Edited 6/16/2004 2:14 pm ET ET by sugarwookie
From everything you mentioned in your letter, I don't see how this girl could not miss you now, or not have some regrets for walking away from you. Maybe she doesn't realize yet, that it's a very hard thing to find someone who will love them and miss them the way that you do. Life has a funny way of distracting us sometimes, from the things that make us the happiest and when we're down and out, we seem to always hurt the ones we love the most.
I hope things work out for you, with whatever life has in store for you, you certainly sound like someone who deserves a break!
:)
Debbie
I'm so sorry your relationship ended. I really wish I could say something to make you feel better, but I just don't know what to add. Please know, not all of us are the kind to throw something special away when it comes to love. I've have never met a guy that would put that much thought into a letter and if I did I sure hope I would never make the mistake of losing him!
Someone once told me this "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened" maybe that makes some sense...................
Hugz,
Amber
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