Live together--- very fresh break up
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| Wed, 01-03-2007 - 10:47pm |
Okay folks, I've been reading a lot of messages that people have left for others and I'm hoping you can help me out. I know I am not going to like what I hear but I just have to deal with it. It can't be worse than how I already feel right?
This is the deal...I met my b/f on line 7 yrs ago. We talked for 2 before we actually met. We'd talk for hours and hours and hours. Finally we decided to was time and I went to visit him (he was a few states away)We hit it off right away and gosh I fell so quick. Ya know, who am I fooling, I loved him before I met him but it was a light fun relationship. He was in one state and I was in another. So we finally met and we date for 11 mths before I finally move to be with him. My biggest mistake was that I moved in WITH him (and his brother). It was okay but after 1 1/2 yrs we moved out and it was just us, that was nice. However, his brother is a loser and he's been in and out with us for 2 1/2 yrs (he can't seem to keep a job and has since been living in the spare room unemployed for 6 mths, AGAIN) and I just don't see an end to it. It's put a lot of pressure and strain on us as well as the typical financial issues everyone has. Things have taken their toll and my b/f (or ex now I guess) has decided that we've grown apart and that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me or anyone and it'd be best if I moved back with my family. Now I know what you're thinking... why should he be making this decison for me. But he also u/s that my family is everything to me and we are very close knit and I gave all that up for him. In that sense I see his point. As usual, it's difficult to deal with anyhow b/c I know that I've lost him but now I have this horrible fear of not ever seeing him again. It breaks my heart b/c we've talked many times a day for 7 yrs and seen each other every day for the past 4. Ultimately, I know I cannot change his mind and I know deep down that I shouldn't even want to b/c he doesn't want to be with me. But I am sooooo sad.
To make it worse, I'm not about to leave and maybe go back to my family until I find decent job there but we all know that doesn't come in a day...how do I do this if we live together?

Well, I don't think that you really have made any mistakes from what you said, except perhaps how you've both dealt with the brother. And if he has broken it off with you, then he made that decision. After that, what you do is your decision.
If you want to go back and live with your family, then I would do that. But if you want to stay in the city where you are now, then stay! Or more somewhere entirely new. You shouldn't be limited to just your hometown because that's what he suggested.
Living with someone after a break up is tough and probably not a good idea. I think you need to sort of figure out where you want to be and start planning for that. If you want to go back to your hometown, could you live with a relative for a while and put your stuff in storage? Could you go to a friend's now or an extended-stay hotel until you find a place on a longer-term basis? I would focus on your emotional health now. Try not to worry about when you get a job, etc. If you can't live under one roof with him now, then you need to get out and the job will have to come second. And it's a lot harder to find a job when you aren't in the community where the job is. A lot of employers will just throw the out-of-town resumes away. Maybe you could take a new job in your hometown -- any old job -- until the right one comes along. That would also keep you busy.
I think you need to do what's right for you, not what he necessarily thinks is right for you. Can you talk to him about how long this may take, how you might deal with still living there, etc? I would not stay there too long, though. Good luck! I am sorry you're going through this.