Living together and broken up
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Living together and broken up
| Tue, 02-21-2006 - 4:42pm |
I have known my boyfriend since high school. We used to hangout in the same click and be really close as well as physically involved which was about 8 years about. Well about 15 months ago we both ran into each other and started to see each other. We are 26. We both also just got out of 3year relationships. So we started dating exclusively and things were so great. I think because we have always known each other we did not have to go through the whole beginning stages and we were so completely comfortable with each other. Which led to us spending every other nite together, doing family things, becoming extremely close with his daughter. After 4 months he moved in with me while he started to build a new house. We knew I would probably then move into the new house once it was done. At about 6months we went on our first vacation for 9 days. Every is all great we are best friends, do everything together, our physical relationship is great. We decide it just feels right and it would be easier to do it together that we invest together in the house and get something bigger where we could have it doing it together. We move in we are great its like our own little family I give him everything have dinner on the table help him with his daughter. He always pays for me and takes care of me. Just one thing is missing....I want him to be more romantic and I tell him which causes fights and leads me to be insecure because I want him to do things that I think a boyfriend should and he doesn't. I sense him pulling away a little bit. This is happening after being in the house for over 4 months. More discussions continue which I start and he says he is not an open type of person and if I want a romeo I should go find one. And he said the is feeling like he is married and has to check in with someone. Well to make a long story short now it has gotten to the point where he needs to take steps back. We are technically broken up but he says his intentions are to NOT go out and be with any other girl and this is not why he is doing this. He tells me I am the best girlfriend he has ever had I am caring and loving and has been one of the most generous person he has had in his life. I am beautiful and great to his daughter and our sex life is great and he is so comfortable but...He says he does not want this serious relationship right now and the drama and the responsibility. He says he needs to take time to himself to better himself and make himself happy because if he is not happy he cannot make anyone else happy. And because of the great person I am he this is why he is initiating us to be at this point. He needs some time to better himself and figure out if he wants this relationship. Its not that he does not want me or love me and care for me. He just does not love me how I love him. This is not about not wanting me. Its about himself and fixing himself and deciding if he wants this serious relationship. This was about 2 weeks ago. Well since I have been so hurt by this I have been crying alot and so unhappy and caused a fight this past weekend that pushed him to now saying that he does not think it will work with us living together in our house that he sees it as impossible cause he does not know how long it is going to take him. I told him to please give me one more chance and I will give him his time. I just dont understand how he can buy a house with me and know the commitment and then decide he might not want one. I love that house. I love him. I dont want to separate the too and he says we probably would end up together. How can I just sell out my share of the house and then we get back together and I move back into what was originally my house. I am just freaking out and i dont understand how he could be doing this! After everything we have done and everything he has and how great he says I am. He says he does not want to lose me but know the chance he is doing by taking this time to better himself and figure his stuff out! HELP!

I know it must be hard but I have to tell you...some men are just not the romantic type. After endless amounts of being basically told he isnt good enough probably caused him to want to step back. MY husband is not the most romantic person in the world either but I accept that. Most men are not like what you read in books or see on tv. I also think maybe you both rushed to quickly into moving in together....
I think you need to let him be who he is...romantic or not. Plus do you really want him to buy you flowers and take you out to romantic fancy restaurants just because YOU told him too???? YOu said everything else is great....let it be.
Now you have to give him his space because you backed him in a corner.
Dont bring it up and let him come to you.
~L
Why are they doing this too us? I feel your pain, this past weekend I could not eat, all I did was cry, I could not breathe, I pretty much made myself sick. I have tried everything possible to try and re-show him the kind of girl I am....i have tried the whole play games and be mad thing and threaten him that he needs to decide soon or I will be gone forever, but that just made it worse and piss him off more. We sleep in separate bedrooms, we are not having sex, and we are congenial and talk to each other, but its just breaking my heart. Why do they move into houses with us and then pull this. They know the commitment they are getting themselves into before they do this. They are not idiots. My boyfriend is 26 and a smart guy why get a house and a mortgage with a girl you supposedly care so much for and love (but not in love) and decide to break up and pull some garbage like I need to better myself and make myself happy before I have to make anyone else happy. Maybe I should not try and stay? He still has not given me his final decision on what exactly he is doing about living together or not while he is going through this. But still claims its not about other girls and he wont be goin out there trying. Maybe I should just realize that if he wanted me and us and if he wanted this house and us to be in it together then he would not be doing this....I cannot make him feel a certain way....If he wanted this at all he would not be ending every single aspect of this relationship. But he says he will still want to spend time together and go out to dinner and stuff! I dont want to lose both him and the house. Should I keep trying to save this or should i just go....but if I go I know that I would have to go forever cause I would not be able to bear it....and now he actually just calls me at work to talk to me, but its for help with traffic on his way to work. In the past 2 days he has not initiated any conversation with me besides one question he asked me about cell phones. Maybe he is just trying to stay focused on work and not start any conversations with me that will lead to being serious conversations and drama that he just does not want to deal with? Should I try and convince him not to do this if he comes to me and says he definitely thinka we should not live together....should I ignore him....or should I just be willing and say to myself if he wanted me and us he would not be doing this and just go?
Hun, make sure you are eating a little something. I made myself sick over the past couple weeks since he told me he wanted to take his time....I have lost 10 pounds and starved myself thinking if i got a little bit skinnier he may want me more....i lost it trying to find every way to change his mind where if i was thinking staighter i would have known that he is going to do this and its going to take him time maybe months....Hang in there! Just don't threaten and play games...i dont know what kind of guy he is but it just made my guy more pist and angry...