living together while breaking up
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living together while breaking up
| Wed, 02-08-2006 - 11:28am |
After four years, my fiance & I are breaking up. How do I find a place while packing to leave his house, his 2 teenage boys I adore, and our dog? This is too PAINFUL!!help!

Hi Julia,
I am so sorry that you are going through this. This is going to be a rough time for you and I wish that I could say things to make it easier. Do you have a set time that you said you would be out of the house? Do you have any money saved for a new place? If he initiated the break up maybe he could help you out. He should since I am sure that you were helping him pay his mortgage. Was this something you thought was happening for awhile?
Paula
hi paula,
Thank you for your reply. I do have some money saved. This is something that has been thrown about for about a month or 2. It really isn't my choice and he changes his mind quite often. He wants me to stay for a few months to see how we do, but that seems harder than just leaving. I just cannot seem to do anything correct because I am afraid to lose him, which makes me mess up more. I think he is trying to control the situation too much. I am just very confused.
Julia
HI JULIA
WHY DONT YOU TRY TO TALK TO HIM. I MEAN EXPLAIN HIM THAT YOU DONT WANT TO WASTE ALL THE GOOD MEMORY THAT YOU GUYS HAD FOR 4YRS. 4YRS IS NOT THAT SHORT.. MAYBE THERE IS A BETTER SOLUTION THAT YOU THINK THAT MIGHT CHANGE HIS MINE. NOT THAT I'M ASKING YOU TO BEG HIM NO!NO!NO!.BELIEVE ME!! IF HE REALLY LOVES YOU HE WILL STAY..BUT SOMETIMES GUYS FOR SOME REASON THEY ALWAYS HAD THEIR OWN PRIDE.IF THIS HAPPEN SET HIM FREE LIKE THEY SAY "IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE SET THEM FREE, IF THEY KEEPING COMING BACK THEY ARE REALLY YOURS" (SOMETHING LIKE THAT HEHEHEHE) ACTUALLY I DONT REALLY KNOW WHAT THE REAL STORY AND ABOUT YOU BEING ATTACH TO HIS KIDS OH GOD I KNOW THATS KIND A HARD. TRUST ME MY FRIEND REMEMBER THIS IF EVER HE FIND SOMEONE HE WILL ALWAYS REMEMBERS YOU COZ THE WAY YOU ARE TO HIS KIDS...BECAUSED SINGLE FATHER SOMETIMES THEY HAVING HARD TIMES TO FIND A RIGHT PERSON THAT WILL LOVE THEIR KIDS ALSO. HE WILL ALWAYS HAD A PROBLEM ON THAT SITUATION.
BUT WHATEVER IT IS RELAX! FOR RIGHT NOW I KNOW YOU WILL FEEL DOWN.BUT SOONER LATER EVERYTHING WILL BE FIND.JUST STAY POSITIVE AND I DONT FEEL SORRY FOR YOU I FEEL SORRY FOR YOUR EXB/FIANCE..<<"HE LOSS YOU">> GOD BLESS YOU
Hi Julia,
When reading your post I feel like I am talking to my brother's girlfriend. He is seperated from his wife and they are brother and in new relationships they just did not go through the divorce yet. So, he is now dating this wonderful girl who loves him and excepts his daughter. She was living with him for the last few months. Actually, she was renting the apartment in his house because she needed a place to stay. She just moved out and they are trying to work out the relationship. He cares about her alot but his commitment issues are keeping him from moving forward. That not sure what he wants feeling. He is a great guy and it is sad because his fear and confusion is going to mess up a great relationship. I am not sure if you are going through a similiar circumstance. I have to recommend a book "Men Who Can't Love" by Steven Carter. It talks alot about commitment issues and when you have an ambivalent partner. It is hard leaving the relationship. I think the best thing that you could do is to leave the house. I know it is going to be hard for you but you have to try and get stronger and it is going to break your heart more and more each day. He needs to figure out on his own why he is ambivalent and what he can do to fix things. My ex and I broke up not because of lack of love. We broke up because he could not commit and we could not get past his commitment issues to many stages of his life. I am 34 like you so I feel for you. I know we are at this age in our life where we want to be able to make things work with the person we love. Our 30's are such a clear time in our lives where we know what we want. I hope that the days get alittle easier for you and you use this time of pain to grow. Who know's what will happen I think he does need to see how life would be without you and if he does want to work it out understand that you cannot keeping being his emotional yo-yo.
I am still working out my feeling for my ex, I loved him dearly and leaving him was the hardest thing I had to do. I had so many things I wanted to say to him. At this point, though I realized that he knew it all and I just have to keep going forward with my life and maybe I will keep learning things along the way that will make me see what type of relationship is a much better fit for me.
I also understand when you mentioned that if you stay you feel like you cannot do anything right. You are at that "walking on eggshell" stage. Just keep being you. That is all you have and if he cannot except you for you, in time you will realize that he was not worth it.
Paula
PS: I am glad that you are financially secure, that would have to be the worst on top of this. At least you will be able to re-build without having to be overwhelmed with paying you bills on top of this.
Get the book!!!