Lonelyness After Breakup
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| Sat, 04-21-2007 - 5:10pm |
Hi Everyone,
I've been reading the boards everyday and they are very helpful. I broke up with my ex over 2 months ago and have been on NC for 7 weeks. We had been together for 5 years...she broke up with me by the way. I don't want to confuse issues but I live directly below her (that's another can of worms that has been addressed to a certain point). But within the last week or so I have been experiencing pretty intense loneliness and with it a certain amount of depression. I'm getting flooded with memories I haven't thought of since before the relationship began... some of the memories happened during and some before the relationship...some are really heartbreaking. Why is it that 2 months into the breakup I'm getting these intense feelings of lonelyness and depression...and it's Spring. I realize that it's going to take at least a year to start to feel a bit better and some of the listings I've read tell honestly of how hard it's going to be. I'm taking it a day at a time. The NC has helped and I'm trying to have a good attitude. It would, of course, be easier if she lived elsewhere. It's tough, as many of you might have gone through not only losing your ex but also her family as well...it's not good. I have friends but they all have their own thing (schedule), my ex can find new friends easily and has. It's tougher for me...I'm not antisocial, I just have to figure out what I can do and where I can go to find people.
EDS

After a break up it's normal to feel lonely and depressed. You both had 5 years together and you both live in the same building. Perhaps, since she was the one breaking up with you, she's moved on quicker and has found new people to hang out with. You on the other hand, are still grieving her loss and her family's loss.
Give it time. You'll also move on at one point and will find some new people to hang out with. It's possible that your present emotional state is affecting your ability to relate to others in a social setting. You may need more "you time" to fully heal.
Thank you Light and Bright,
Right now I am taking it a day at a time. I am reading the boards daily and will see about finding an outlet as I really didn't have one during the relationship because I must have been in some sort of comfort zone. Thank you.
EDS
Whether your ex lived below you or half way around the world, chances are you would still be going through what you are right now... the "rememberance" phase.
If you were to write you were together for 5 years, and seven weeks on, you aren't thinking about the past, I'd be worried... and wonder just what (OR WHO!!) the heck you were thinking of!
Loneliness after a break-up is completely normal and expected. They key is to find something (not necessarily someone, but something) which exposes you to a new routine... a change of pace, change of scenary, interactions with new people, ideas about new things... anything to keep your mind and self active and not preoccupied with thinking about the past.
Don't put yourself on a schedule or deadline... take it day by day.
mblade2006
"Just because everything is different
Thank you Mblade,
"a new routine... a change of pace, change of scenary" I was going to join the YMCA but was procrastinating, I'll look more seriously into it now; that might be a good start. Thank you.
EDS
Thank you Celest,
I pray everyday, these days it's to get through the day. We all have responsibilities as do I. So I have to continue to try my best and G-d is part of that.
EDS
Have you thought of maybe moving to another residence maybe a few miles from your neighborhood?
I think it get you easier into recovery, if you surround yourself with new places, new people and new experiences.
Just be open to a whole new idea that there are better things out there waiting to bring new happiness to you.
But if you keep holding onto the past, you're not allowing better things to manifest.
Thus you are stuck, until you make it your own decision to start letting go.