Long distance
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| Mon, 11-06-2006 - 11:00am |
I was engaged to a man in the Navy, well he ended it tonight over the phone. He had been avoiding me for a month and I knew something was wrong. We were together for 5 and half years and that last two had been long distance. We met when we were both in college and lived together for awhile before I had to move away.
He said he met someone about six weeks ago and that is around the time he started acting distant. He was supposed to be coming where I am at before Christmas and we were going to get married. We were so close to finally start life together and this happened and I dont know how to handle it. I gave up many things so i can move to his town next year.
I know I have to accept that it is over. I am trying to be strong and move on with my life, but I think I tried too hard to keep this relationship that I am tired of trying. Most of all, I am angry with myself for different reasons. Is it normal to feel this way?
Thanks for reading and any advice will be appreciated.

It is completely normal to blame yourself or be mad at yourself for different reasons right after the break up. For me I was mad for thinking that I alone could make a long distance relationship work. I was mad at myself for staying in denial, I was mad at myself for wasting my time and money to go see him after he had moved. I am still mad at myself for thinking somehow, someway it will all work out and we will be together.
For the first week or so cry and scream and let it all come out, take time off of work and/or school if you can. But after the week is up get back to life and learn to live without him. In your case (and mine) it will be slightly easier because you do not have the physical presence. Also you have not had good contact with him in a month so that may help out as well. I am also going through a major break-up, all my friends tell me that I need to stop talking to him, which I have done (for the most part). It has been very hard but you can do it. Lets be strong together and put these men behind us. Good Luck girl!
Thank you for your response.
I feel much better knowing there are other people like you going through similar situations. I am mad for giving up more than I should have just to be with him. I am mad at myself spending too much time and money on international phone cards and flights. I am mad for believing all his lies and excuses.(He often used his Navy job to cover up his lies, and I was stupid enough to believe him.)
I already deleted his phone number and emails from him even though i did not want to at first(I was saving all the emails so I could read them whenever I missed him). I put all the stuff in my closet. Right now, I am not strong enough to see any reminders of him or the relationship. Hardest part will be getting rid of emotional attatchment to him. Oh, and to tell everyone that I am not getting married.
I dont have to deal with his physical absence now because I already cried every day for the first year of long distance. Plus, we had no communication when he was in boot camp. So you are right, it is probably easier than I think, I hope.
I need to learn to love myself again and to love being single. Thanks for sharing your story. We can get through this together.