long distance boyfriend started another long distance relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
long distance boyfriend started another long distance relationship
Fri, 06-24-2011 - 6:47pm

To start to explain this all.... my boyfriend and I worked together for awhile and I found out he was leaving for school in a few months and I was sad because I was really starting to like him. I didn't know he liked me either. For some reason, we decided to start the relationship, even though we knew we would be apart for some time. Everything was great when we were together. This was for about a month and a half. I cried when he was still home because I was going to miss him so much. He left and we used to talk on skype almost everynight and talked a lot.

Slowly, as he made friends, it started to be skype once a week and still talking everyday but not as long. We started fighting more and more, mostly because of my insecurities. We broke up and made up within a few hours each time. I went to visit him for 9 days and was scared because I didn't know what to expect. What I realized was that I loved him more than I ever thought. All his friends kept saying was that "wow! he really loves you! just look at him" and he would always say "I love you so much, don't find anyone else, please! i don't want to lose you!" And while I was there, I looked through his computer and found 2 pictures of one girl, not a sexual type photos, just two photos and I asked who it was and he said it was somoenes daughter and they wanted him to send it to his mom. I let that go.

The 2 weeks after I got back, I thought everything was okay. It was like how it was before, talking all the time, saying I miss you, I wish I would have met you sooner, I love you, skype everyday. Then I bought a plane ticket to go back in 2 months. He wanted me too as well.

Then it started to get strange. We started fighting again, mostly cause of my insecurities and being afraid he was going to leave me or meet someone new. We got in a huge fight last week but as always, the next morning, he said that we will work it all out, that he loves me. (I had broken up wth him a few times as well). Then last night I said I was going out and I didn't text him when I got in, since he never has the decency to do that. And I get a late night text saying "you must have met someone else, we are done." And I called him and he told me that the photos I saw were of his ex girlfriend and he still loves her and they talk a lot. I told him this was cheating and he said it wasn't even though he said he told her he loves her and she said she loves him. They haven't been together since he was 16. We are in our 20's. I cried and begged "when did this start? why did you lie?" and when I was there, he was never on his phone, never talking to anyone and never chatting with anyone online, never closing windows when I sat next to him when he was on the computer. This is why it makes no sense. She doesn't even live in the same state as him either. The whole thing is fishy and sucks.

Then this morning he says he loves me and wants to be with me. Then changed his mind again then changed it back saying we will see how this works out cause he loves me and I love him a lot. He also told me before that he will talk to anyone he wants to talk to. I don't know what to do. I feel so sick. I've been crying non-stop. I want to stay with him but I don't because I don't know what he is doing and he will never confess to what he is doing. When we were together, it was perfect. We got along great. I really love him and I don't want to lose him but I am going to be sick, I am going to be miserable either way. I don't know why I want to go see him again. I don't know how he can say he loves her and loves me. I have been with him the past 7 months. He has said so many things that have been genuine.

He also said my insecurity affects him. He didn't say how and I never knew it could affect someone else. If anyone could shed some light on that, I would really appreciate it. I feel like a fool.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

>>He also said my insecurity affects him. He didn't say how and I never knew it could affect someone else. If anyone could shed some light on that, I would really appreciate it.<<

Your insecurity will affect your partner in two

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2002

Hi, my advise is that, as you've already got a ticket to go back in 2 months, I guess u should meet him again and make your decision after your next visit. Before your visit, make sure you don't question him (whether he loves you, whether he's seeing someone else over and over again) as relationships are about trust... I'm not sure if he's a good tempered person, but most people would go crazy if their other half kept questioning all over and over again when they chat daily... just stay calm and gentle and skip the questioning =)

Don't worry too much.. you're in a better situation than I am... I've been with my long distance bf for 2 years.. as he's delayed his study plans, I have to wait for 2 more years and he said told me to take a break and see what happens when he figures things out --- he's been figuring things out for a month and asked me to stay as friends for now.. I don't even have a chance to get to know what happened.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

Of course your insecurity affects him.