Long-Distance Break-Up Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2008
Long-Distance Break-Up Help!
2
Thu, 03-20-2008 - 3:48am

I'm new here, so have some patience, this will probably be very long :) I could really use some other gal's help and support.

So I've been living for the past 5 years in NYC but I'm originally from the west coast and I was working in my hometown (Seattle) for a few months (may-august) this past year. Well to make a very long story short I reconnected with an ex from my distant past and we shared an incredible 4 months together during which we grew very close and very much in love. He even talked about relocating if things continued at the pace they were. However, as things usually go, I moved back to New York and things fizzled, mostly on his part, and we broke up, realizing a long-distance relationship wouldn't work for us. And it won't, I'm certain of that.

Which is why I need help! The break-up was long and drawn-out (because OF COURSE he didn't communicate with me when he started to feel differently about our relationship) and I hadn't seen him since November, right before things completely fell apart.

Since then I have been through a really tough grieving process and had JUST started to get him off my mind, when of course, he wants to reconnect, begging my forgiveness, hoping for a friendship. We were so close before, besides being partners romantically, and I really do miss his friendship.

So, it now being halfway through march, I decided to go ahead and see him while I'm home to help out with a family thing, and I'm afraid my feelings are rekindling. I met him for a drink last night and it was so nice to spend time with him, I really was sad to leave him when the time came to go home. We hugged and held each other for a while before I left. I miss him so much. I just saw him today again, and though we're both seeing other people (him in a not-too-serious relationship, me casually) we did a lot of flirting and had a great conversation.

I just feel so lost. I think I'm still in love with him and I feel totally defeated. I know we can't be together, because we live so far apart. I just feel helpless because I want to be with him so badly.

How do I proceed? Should I go ahead and date like I've been doing, even if I'm still in love with somebody else? Am I just sexually frustrated? God, PLEASE tell me that I'm not losing my head over nothing! Has anyone been in a similar situation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2008
Thu, 03-20-2008 - 10:05am
Wow! Your situation sounds very similar to the one I currently am in! I too was in a long distance relationship for about 4 months and fell in love. Then he decided that he was scared, not ready for a relationship, etc... BS if you ask me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 03-20-2008 - 10:23pm

Welcome to the board belleactrice,


This part of your post jumped out at me: The break-up was long and drawn-out (because OF COURSE he didn't communicate with me when he started to feel differently about our relationship) and I hadn't seen him since November, right before things completely fell apart.


So this IS his communication style.