long distance breakup
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long distance breakup
| Sun, 12-05-2004 - 11:31am |
I guess that it's unusual for a man to post in these pages, but why not us too? Just this weekend, we had our breakup. I'm 34 and she's 20. I live 500 miles away from her, and she's in college right now. We were dating for about 2 years, and we were talking increasingly seriously about getting married after she finished school. You guys are probably thinking: geez, hello, of course you broke up.
But for a long while, we beat the odds. We talked on the phone everyday for a long time. We would get together once every few weeks and have tender, passionate weekends. We weren't all about sex, in fact, that only came along much later in the relationship. Everything started changing this year, all the downhill has been in the last 6 weeks or so. She moved into a house with other women students, and I guess she just started to feel confined by our relationship. She kept male friends around her who had openly told her that they wanted to date her. All this stuff made me realize she isn't marriage material, but once you've given your heart to someone, you don't just take it back like a library book or something. So we had to breakup.
She says she knows nothing. She refused at our breakup to have a final kiss or to say anything final at all. Actually, we had a weird breakup. We broke up on the phone on a Tuesday and that Friday I drove in to go to dance with her. We actually had fun and basically looked like a couple, even though we had broken up 3 days earlier.
I realize that there's probably more turbulence to come, but I also am sadly realizing that it's hard to see how she could come out of her experimental time and have either of us still want marriage to each other.
I'm so heartbroken, sad, and physically ill about this. God, I really did want to marry her. She would've been the best wife, I just know it. She would've been someone I'd be so happy to have my family meet. I loved the long odds in our relationship. It gave it a special magic, it made it a truly hard thing to do. I wish the universe would still let it happen, even with these insanely long odds. I can't at this point close that book, and neither can she, I guess.
But for a long while, we beat the odds. We talked on the phone everyday for a long time. We would get together once every few weeks and have tender, passionate weekends. We weren't all about sex, in fact, that only came along much later in the relationship. Everything started changing this year, all the downhill has been in the last 6 weeks or so. She moved into a house with other women students, and I guess she just started to feel confined by our relationship. She kept male friends around her who had openly told her that they wanted to date her. All this stuff made me realize she isn't marriage material, but once you've given your heart to someone, you don't just take it back like a library book or something. So we had to breakup.
She says she knows nothing. She refused at our breakup to have a final kiss or to say anything final at all. Actually, we had a weird breakup. We broke up on the phone on a Tuesday and that Friday I drove in to go to dance with her. We actually had fun and basically looked like a couple, even though we had broken up 3 days earlier.
I realize that there's probably more turbulence to come, but I also am sadly realizing that it's hard to see how she could come out of her experimental time and have either of us still want marriage to each other.
I'm so heartbroken, sad, and physically ill about this. God, I really did want to marry her. She would've been the best wife, I just know it. She would've been someone I'd be so happy to have my family meet. I loved the long odds in our relationship. It gave it a special magic, it made it a truly hard thing to do. I wish the universe would still let it happen, even with these insanely long odds. I can't at this point close that book, and neither can she, I guess.

Welcome to the board!! I'm so sorry to hear about your break-up!! And you'd be suprised to see how many guys there are that post here on Ivillage!! I'm sure there are more than you think and there are even a few male CL's!!
I know how hard long distance relationships can be and I think you shold be proud that you two made it last as long as you did, because it can be very trying.....I used to host the Long Distance Relationship board and have been in a few myself.
I'm sorry things haven't worked out this time but if you don't think she's marriage material, then breaking up was the right choice....there is no sense in dragging it out.
I know it will be hard but just try and stay busy and keep yourself occupied...go out with friends, go for a jog, take up a new hobby....anything to keep you busy. And we're always here to talk if you need or want to.
Good luck and keep us posted!!