long distance gone bad

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2006
long distance gone bad
3
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 9:18pm

We were only together for a few months, but I had a crush on him since he went to my high school. After his sophmore year he left and I never saw him again, but we met again this past summer and just started talking casually. But we both found out we liked eachother and began a relationship. We didnt actually call eachother boyfriend and girlfriend, because I didnt want a serious relationship. I thought that if I didnt call it serious that in the end I wouldnt get hurt.

But he decided just recently we should just be friends, and here I am, very very hurt. I'm angry that I allowed myself to be hurt, because I knew how hard long distance would be. But now he wants to be friends and basically wants the potential for us to be back together. At first I agreed to just be friends but I just told him I needed a few weeks with no contact from him so i could heal. But now I feel like it was the wrong thing to do. I keep telling myself I'm ok and I'm better off with out the stress of a long distance relationship, but it still hurts so bad.

Should I not talk to him even if there is potential for us to be together? Even still we agreed to see other people, so what if he falls in love with another girl? I will be stuck still in love with him but only being a friend wishing him well. But I also dont want to lose him forever and never have a chance at a relationship.

I just have so many emotions and confused feelings. How do I deal?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2006
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 2:19pm
I am new to the board and was in a long distance relationship until a few hours ago. I am so glad that the previous poster asked that question. I had been seeing this guy for 4 months and I thought everything was going great until I had not heard from him for 2 days. This was not a big deal since he was in the military and we didn't really talk a whole lot but he did at least make the effort to try and call me at least twice a day. Well he calls me after I call him this morning while I am at work and he says he has something to tell me. He has the nerve to drop this bombshell and tell me his news is that he has met somebody. Blames it all on the distance. My feeling is that he must have felt this way for a while and was to cowardly to say anything. I wish that he would have had the nerve to say something sooner. He asks me if we could still be "friends". At the time I said yes without thinking. Should I even bother with keeping in contact with him. He is a nice person or so I thought. If he calls me should I even bother answering the phone. I also would like to know how to deal with it. Even though it had only been 4 months I really liked him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 2:27pm

Should you even bother...? Well, do you honestly think you can just be "friends" with this guy you really like? Doubtful. What would be the point of you hanging around for scraps of his attention while he's off with the new girl? I'm only saying this because it might be pretty ugly down the road with jealousy, not hearing from him, wondering if the other girl is getting all his attention... it's just not worth your time or effort if he's not willing to give you what you want to give him.

I have been in 2 LDRs and they are tough. It's easy to blame problems on distance; yes, it's a factor, but it's not insurmountable. Even if you guys were in the same zip code, he may have found someone new. So I don't buy that reason 100%.

Start doing your own thing without him ... it's hard, but it can be done. Best of luck.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 2:27pm

Sorry to hear about your breakup...LDRs are extremely difficult and risky.

You need to have a period of no contact in order to get over him...probably a few months. You can reconnect as friends if you want to *after* you're completely over him...as in, when the thought of calling him and hearing all about his new gf doesn't make you upset.

I would send him an email telling him that you need to take a break from being in contact with him and you'll get in touch when you're ready.

Sheri