Long distance relationship is over =(
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Long distance relationship is over =(
| Wed, 03-22-2006 - 2:11pm |
My long distance relationship with my boyfriend just ended a few days ago. We met online five years ago and started a great friendship. We just met eachother in person a year ago and we fell in love immediately. However, he just told me that things weren't working. He said that we argued on the phone too much and that he was sick of having a relationship with a telephone. I don't like having a long distance relationship either, but I want to make it work. When we first got together, we had talked about marriage and eventually living together in the same city. I had asked him to come to where I live, but he said that it would be better if I moved to where he was because I liked the city more, which is true, but only after we were settled financially. Plus, if I went up there he wanted us to live in his parents house. He said that he did not want to get an apartment because he does not like to rent. We are not engaged or married and I told him that I would not be comfortable living at his parents house unless we were either of those 2 things. I would have gone up there and gotten my own place, but with the cost of living, and paying the rent alone since he does not like to rent, I would not be able to afford it. If he came down here, we would live in my apartment. I refuse to ask my mom to take us in, especially if we are not married. I just don't feel comfortable living at my parents house with my boyfriend and it surprises me that he does and we are not engaged. I last saw him in December. I flew up to see him, I was there for almost 2 weeks. As soon as I returned, it seemed like he had changed. Usually when either one of us would return from seeing eachother, I would want to schedule a flight for the next time that we would see eachother. But this time, when I would ask him, he would say that he did not know. I would get worried because the later that we wait to see eachother, the more expensive the flights would be. For me, I could not go any longer than 2 months without seeing him (we live 1,200 miles away from eachother). He would tell me that he felt the same, but only if I asked him. It would hurt my feelings because it made me feel that he did not want to see eachother anymore. What confuses me now is that when he was breaking up with me on the phone, he said that he would call me in a couple of days to see how I am doing. I was surprised that he said that, but now it has been 6 days and I have not heard from him. I asked him if we could be friends but he said that because neither of us spoke to our ex's, it would be hard to do that. I told him that if we wanted to be friends with me, it is possible, we just have to make an effort. I want to call him, but I know that I should not call him because he ended the relationship with me. I am so sad and hurt. I have known him for five years and he was always the one that I would turn to when I needed advicce or just someone to talk to and now there is nothing. I did not want our relationship to end, but as I spilled my heart out to him, he was just quiet. Now, I miss his phone calls and hearing his voice. In the back of my mind, I hope that he will call me and tell me that he was wrong and wants me back. But I do not believe that is going to happen. He said that he had talked to other people about our relationship. When I asked him why he did not come to me first, he said that he didn't know. What should I do? I miss him.

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Yeah, I go back and forth on this. I think there is a recovery period where you can't even fathom dating someone else. Then you go through a period where you want to get back out there just to "prove you can." But you get back out there and realize it was too early because you're not over your pain yet and you're just comparing everyone to him. So then you take more time off and eventually you get to where you're finally ready. But even then you may go through what I'm going through where you just aren't in the mood to put up with men's crap. When they don't call when they say they're going to even ONCE, you're ready to kick them to the curb because it brings back that pain and you don't want to take even the slightest risk of getting hurt again. Just take time for yourself, figure out what you want, and the right one will come along when you're ready to risk it.
Steph
http://www.myspace.com/stephfaris
Yes, it seems like I have been through just those stages.
I call them the ~
1. "How can I date? I can't even get out of bed" stage.
2. "See me go out five nights a week and wear a short skirt, just because I can!" stage.
3. "You can date me, but remember, I am not putting up with any crap!" stage.
I find myself in No. 3 now. I have set the bar so high because I just don't care anymore and I am not even sure if I like men now. I wonder how long it will take to get to the next stage, which I am hoping will be a more normal life. I have been very badly hurt.
WOW, that's great. So what I'm going through IS normal? :-) I'm somewhere between #2 and #3. So what's stage #4? Is that when you're still in #3 and some guy comes along who's not a complete jerk and STUNS you by actually treating you like a normal person would think a woman should be treated?
Steph
http://www.myspace.com/stephfaris
You guys crack me up.
I was just going to ask, what stage does this fall in, because it's where I'm feeling/at... the I'm-going-to-stay-single-forever-and-start-owning-cats-and-adoption-is-not-a-bad-option-and-maybe-I-was-meant-to-be-single-forver-in-life-like-my-angst-ridden-aunt...
sorry, the best way I could put it! ;)
Yep, I've said just about every variation of all of that in the past few weeks. I've talked about getting a bunch of cats and how being single isn't all that bad. I'm actually happier when I don't have to sit around worrying about why some jerk isn't calling me. The good thing about not having anyone special in your life is that you don't have to worry about losing them.
But then I pass a cemetary and think about how sad it would be to die alone, with no one to be buried next to me. Or I see a sweet older couple holding hands and think about not having anyone to grow old with.
Have you started dating again yet? It's a jungle out there. The more men I meet, the more I lose hope for our society. I kinda agree with what they said on Sex and the City...that it's evolution that keeps these men single for so long. The good ones are grabbed up so all that's left are the ones who have been weeded out. It's a natural evolutionary process that helps keep these lunatics from procreating. The best you can hope for is the one stray who just happened to get by this long being single. Or one just coming out of a divorce. Sorry if I sound jaded, but you don't KNOW the nutso men I've met in the last year!
Steph
http://www.myspace.com/stephfaris
I am trying to tell myself the "good" part about the breakup is I'm not confused about "us" anymore, but that thought pops up after all the other stupid sad thoughts do.
How about hanging out with your friends - who are suddenly now all coupled up - while you hang out solo? That's awesome.
I have not started dating yet, I don't feel I'm ready. (apparently the ex was though... even before we were done!) That S&theC quote reminds me of when my girlfriend told me "it's like all we have left are the ones with defects who are incapable of being fixed". (or something like that)
Do tell about your NUTSO men so we can all have something to look forward to! ;)
Oh...I have classics. The best one was the guy last fall who was watching me walk to my car every day when I passed his building. The other people he worked with knew he had a crush on me and spread the word to my building. I was intrigued that someone was so interested that he watched for me every day, so I said, why doesn't he come out and say hi? He did and much to my utter amazement, he was actually cute. I had expected some freakish looking guy. He looked like Ben Affleck. But that was all he had going for him. After our first conversation he said he'd e-mail but it took him a while. When he finally did, this is what it said:
"Hope you don't think I am ignoring ya or that I have forgot about ya...just been busy. I don't even have time to pick my nose."
There was a little more to the e-mail, but that was the good part. Anyway, I saved this e-mail because I figured no one would ever believe that someone would initiate a conversation that way and I'd need proof. He kept coming down and the next in-person conversation we had, he spit on the ground 3 times. I asked him to quit doing that and he said, "With me, what you see is what you get. I don't pretend to be something I'm not for a woman." Needless to say, I pretty much told him it was obvious we weren't going to work out. Since then I've just had a string of men who don't call when they say they're going to, cancel out on dates at the last minute, pick fights on the third or fourth date... You name it; I've seen it all. I really am sure there's a normal guy out there...somewhere. It's just, when I find one I think is going to work I never can quite get him to pursue me for whatever reason and I HATE chasing men! It seems the ones who actually pursue always turn out to be the whackos. The nice ones wait around for you to chase them.
Steph
http://www.myspace.com/stephfaris
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