long, but need the support

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2006
long, but need the support
5
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 1:24pm

Hello again everyone. I’ve posted here a few times about my situation, and I appreciate all of the advice and support. Just to recap, me and my boyfriend work together and have been dating for about 8 months. Well, for the past few weeks, we have been having numerous disagreements and fallouts to the point where I’m just totally paranoid that he does not want me anymore but he just won’t come out and tell me. In fact, he swears he does not want to lose me. Well, here’s an update. After yet another argument yesterday, he came to me, kissed me and told me he’s going to try harder to be sensitive to my feelings. So, he invited me to his place last night, but when I got there, he again was just sooo distant. He didn’t talk and when I tried, he said that he just wanted to go to bed. He’s on vacation from work starting today, so I decided to send him this email, which he will not get until he gets back to work next week. Pray for me that this will be my closure. I’m so tremendously broken hearted and just want some relief. Again, thanks for the support and please continue to add any advice that you can.

Email to my bf:
It is Thursday, around 8:40 am and I just left your house and I'm very hurt right now. By the time you get this, we would have not spoken in about five days. I have a feeling you won't even bother calling me on your time off, but if you do, I won't answer. And if that's the case, I can only hope you are not angry with me right now. I just want you to understand that I want it over between us and I'm hoping that these few days of not seeing you will help to get you out of my system. I love you so much and want to be with you so bad, but last night and this morning showed me once again that you just don't feel for me anymore. You have a way of making me feel so low and unwanted when I'm with you sometimes, as you did this morning. You keep saying that you want this to work between us, but for the most part, you do nothing to show it. No calls, no conversation...nothing but good sex which doesn't come that often. I mean, I thought I would at least get a good bye kiss this morning, but instead you only acted like you were so bothered that I was there. I honestly thought that after reading the email I sent yesterday, there would be some change in the way you treat me, but after this morning, I can only wonder if you even read anything I wrote. And I know what you're going to say... "I'm overly dramatic, overly sensitive, and have low self-esteem, and I know that you're sick of my whining, and for the first time I'm realizing that you may be right, but I do know that I was not all those things that you love to call me when we first met, so who do you think changed all that?

Anyway, I'm only sending this because I want closure with you soooo bad. Maybe one day we can get back in sync with each other, but for now, I just want you out of my life. I am brutally sick and tired of crying over you, wondering if you'll ever turn back into the man I fell in love with and it's just not happening, so once and for all, I must say good bye.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 2:19pm

for my own opinion. dont get me wrong...i mean you were with him last night and i think thats the right time to talk and straight thing out with him. atleast you will see his facial reaction. thats the only way you will see if he still loves you. I'M ASSUMING THAT YOU DIDNT OPEN UP ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP AND I GUESS THATS WHY HIS SO QUIET. BCOZ HIS WAITING FOR YOU TO OPEN UP. COZ GUYS ARE LIKE THAT THEY DONT LIKE TO START CONVERSATION ESP IF ITS ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP. UNLESS AS LADYS START THE CONVERSATION. EMAILING HIM LETTER JUST MAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIP MORE COMPLICATED.

ANYWAYSSS GOOD LUCK!!! GOD BLESS YOU

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2006
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 2:37pm
Thanks for pointing that out, and let me assured you that we’ve talked and talked about our issues and it’s just one of those things where he promises to change, but then goes right back to doing whatever it was that hurt me in the first place. Let me give you an example. One of our biggest issues is that he has a second job, so we don’t get to spend a lot of time together outside of the office, but when we do make plans, he usually changes them at the last minute and I may not see him for nights at a time. I was very understanding to this for a while, but after some time, I started to wonder if he was avoiding me. What’s weird about our relationship is that in the office where we work, he treats me like a queen…calls and visits my work area to the point where I can barely get any work done, but getting attention on our off time is almost impossible. So, when I complain about spending more personal time together, he only pleads that I be more patient with that. But now I’m just paranoid that he’s not wanting what I want…a more serious relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 9:26pm
sprung,
trust your gut. if he's making you feel bad, then something is wrong, and you should get out. it's brave of you to end it rather than hanging on to something that isn't making you happy. believe me, i've over looked my instincts a lot, only to wish i had listened to them. if he's making you miserable, you're doing the right thing by ending it. if he wants to try to change his ways, great, but if not, there's a guy out there who will treat you well. when it's right, it's easy, or so i'm told. hang in there and be proud of yourself for being strong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2006
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 1:10am
I truly understand what you are feeling. I felt the same way with my ex and we broke up and got back together because he wanted to work it out, but like you, i didnt see any interest from his part. I ended the relationship with him throuh a text message and then a voicemail because he didnt even bother to call me, i mean after a 4 year relationship that was just very cowardly of him. but girl, it seems like you are a strong woman, dont ever listen to comments that he says to bring you down, if you think about it, he is just talking about how he feels about himself through you. just remember to keep your word of wanting him out of your life. If you get no reply from him, dont call him or wonder anything, just move on. it is easier said than done but u have to be strong otherwise he will not take you seriously and disrespect you over and over again. and if he really wants to try to make it better, dont make it easy for him, let him do ALL the work he needs to do to win you back.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 1:24pm

well atleast he still cares about you...i mean think about it if this guy dont like you....even you guys work together. he will totally ignore you. like you mention after work hours. it seems that he doesnt have time with you...for my own opinion guys are like that! they dont know how to track their schedule...they are not good in time management...not like as lady for some reason even were totally busy. we still fine way to contact them...and the funny thing is THEIR IN THE PRIORITY LIST. RIGHT?

BUT EVEN THEIR BUSY IN DOESNT MEAN THEY DONT THINK OF US...WE CANNOT SEE THAT COZ THEY ARE NOT SHOWY...JUST LIKE MY BF HIS A BUSY MAN...HIS BEEN WORKING ATLEAST 10 TO 13 HRS A DAY. HE WORK EARLY MORNING AROUND 3:30AM. SO ARE SCHEDULE IS DIFF. A LOVE HIM SO I NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT...COZ ATLEAST HIS BUSY WORKING...NOT BUSY GOING OUT OR LOOKING FOR GIRLS. RIGHT?

SOMETIMES TOO I'M GETTING PARANOID LIKE YOU..BUT I'M TRYING TO CONTROL MY SELF...ANYWAYS WHAT I TOLD MY SELF IF I'M WITH MY BF. HE SHOW ME THAT HE LOVES ME AND I THINK THAT THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE RELATIONSHIP.

WHAT I COULD ADVISED YOU...LIKE I TOLD MYSELF. "TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT"...GOOD LUCK