longdistance ruined it but we still care

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2006
longdistance ruined it but we still care
1
Sat, 01-14-2006 - 11:17pm

My boyfriend and I had a wonderful 3 month start, then we did 8 months of long distance (with only 3 short visits). However things got very hard over the phone, he had personal issues that strained us and little things became big things for me. After only having been back together for 5 days (and spending time with my family) I ended it. It seemed like we should have been happier together after being separated, things should have been less strained and he and my family should get along better.

I was relived and felt pretty free after the first few days, but we've talked a few times about why things ended and I'm second guessing myself. I don't think the relationship was good anymore but I still care about him. He's pretty upset because he was really looking forward to fixing things now that we were near each other again. Should I have given it more time to settle back down after seeing him and to work things out in person? Or is our current plan of learning how to relate each other better and be better friends to each other right now the safest bet?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 01-15-2006 - 7:14pm

That's really hard to say. It does sound like you might have made a hasty decision...it's going to take more than just a few days to readjust after such a long absence, IMO.

But, OTOH, maybe it's not a bad idea to take things back a notch, reconnect as friends for a month or two, and then see what happens. I would have trouble with that, personally (for me, part of being in a relationship is working out the differences while you're IN the relationship), but maybe it'll work for the two of you.

Sheri