the longest I've gone

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
the longest I've gone
5
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 7:10pm
i am over the one week hump...granted he is on vacation across the country so the one week has been semi easy. longest we ever went in five years is 3 days...last friday i found him on match.com...to say that killed me is an understatement but he had viewed my profile (we were back and forth for so long that I just created one to get myself distracted) and everything that he lists as his favorites are things that are special to us...the first two times he logged in, he viewed me, WHILE ON VACATION, mind you...and today he logged in and didn't view me...it's sick that that made me sad, huh? he told me last week that he was done with the relationship months ago but wasn't ready to make the final break. all my friends tell me i should be furious but i'm just not there yet...is that wrong of me? right now, i'm just having a really hard time and even though it has been a week and i know in my heart this is for the best, my heart is still breaking...it hurts to breath and i can't stop the tears from welling.
those that have been here, how long did it take to get past the hurt? how long did it take til NC was easy and you didn't think of him every second of the day? i don't know if i will ever be to that point.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 7:15pm
The longest I have gone is 3 weeks but I had panic attacks, knots in my stomach and cried everyday.
Just yesterday he called to tell me he went on a date. Not doing well today. I think the grieving process started all over again.
I truly believe for myself and for you that it will get easier with time. I am not a religious person but every morning I pray to the Lord to take away my problems and let me find happiness.
Best Wishes to You!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 7:22pm
yeah, i think i have experienced my first panic attack this week and they just keep coming...and i get pissed that this probably isn't even affecting him
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 8:36pm

i understand what you are going through right now..i've also only broken up 5 days ago and the memories of us being happy together is still so strong.

it does hurt to know that you won't be with the person that you love so deeply anymore..i went through and am still going through the emotions that you are having now.

but i'm just trying to live one day at a time..i rely on the support of my friends alot and they do cheer me up and sometimes make me not remember the pain so much..

i know it sucks..but really, we all need time to grieve and to let go..it can't be done overnight..how i wish it could..but..we put so much emotions and feelings into the relationship and it is hard to let go...but we must..if we want to feel happy again..

hang in there...let's get through this together!

>hugz<

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 8:58pm

Depends. NC was easy after the first day because I just went and removed all temptation. If I can't contact him, how can I break NC? And I did it after I went on facebook and realized he'd redone his entire profile to erase me. Figured, why torture myself?

As for the actual constant pain? Honestly I can't tell you. I remember the first day I cried in bouts. The second day my friends dragged me out shopping and I couldn't lose face in public. Felt awful though. Day three, I called everyone on my list because i couldn't be alone. First week was hell. But then somehow the weeks slip by and I can hardly believe it's been over a month sometimes. And I still do think about him a lot. say..1/3 of my day, but it's more like any other thought. I'll think it, not feel much, and get on with it. Only occasionally I'll see, say a french phrase, and think about how much I miss it when he says 'merde' or something.

But things like taking out a list of his bad qualities are helpful. My friend came over after the first week and listed everything that was wrong with him. If you can do that, you're no longer being clouded by your love.

This isn't a kernel of hope, but I didn't exactly log in and look at his facebook profile every 2 days after we split either..but it didnt' mean I wasnt' hurting. But dont' worry, y ou'll be at that point sometime. It just takes TIME.

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 11:37am

It varies depending on the breakup, but generally I've found it takes a good 2-3 weeks for the worst of it to pass. But if you're still looking at his profile on match, then that's indirect contact and until you stop ALL contact (direct or indirect), you won't really feel the benefits of NC.