Lonliness after breakup

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2002
Lonliness after breakup
2
Mon, 11-05-2012 - 7:30am

My ex and I were together for alomst 3 years and we just broke up this past Friday.  We had been living together for about 2 1/2 of the years we were together.  When we broke up, I was upset about it, because I always hate breaking up with people.  After spending most of Saturday talking to my friend about our relationship and revealing to her all the troubles that we had, I concluded that the break up was in fact the best solution.  The problems we had were greatly centered around the physical part of our relationship and the consistency and physical acts that each of us wanted were not the same.  We pushed through for so long and once I was able to talk it out, I felt a sense of relief more than anything knowing that I would not have to be so frustrated and worked up about so many things.

Moving on to now, he came last night and picked up the rest of what he has, with the exception of two things that could not fit into the car.  It was harder than I thought to see him again, but I was fortuate to have a friend with me so she helped make it easier.  Having lived with him for over 2 1/2 years, my problem now is that it is so quiet and lonely around my place.  I have my dogs and cat to keep me company, but the darkness and quiet that come with him not being here are very difficult to adjust to.  Does anyone have any advice for how to make it easier to adjust to?  I am trying to keep busy when I have down time and I have made plans with friends to fill in some of that empty time.

I also want to know if anyone has any tips for ways to meet new "girlfriends" to hang out with?  As with any relationship, the two of us spent a lot of time together and we did do things with others, but the majority of the time was spent with just the two of us.  I am fortunate to have a great "girlfriend" who has been there for me and supported me through this breakup, but I feel I need to build a larger social network.

Jennifer

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 11-05-2012 - 11:27am

If it's too quiet, you could leave the radio or TV on for background noise.  

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Mon, 11-05-2012 - 9:32am

jennsoc6 wrote:
<p>My ex and I were together for alomst 3 years and we just broke up this past Friday.  We had been living together for about 2 1/2 of the years we were together.  When we broke up, I was upset about it, because I always hate breaking up with people.  After spending most of Saturday talking to my friend about our relationship and revealing to her all the troubles that we had, I concluded that the break up was in fact the best solution.  The problems we had were greatly centered around the physical part of our relationship and the consistency and physical acts that each of us wanted were not the same.  We pushed through for so long and once I was able to talk it out, I felt a sense of relief more than anything knowing that I would not have to be so frustrated and worked up about so many things.</p><p>Moving on to now, he came last night and picked up the rest of what he has, with the exception of two things that could not fit into the car.  It was harder than I thought to see him again, but I was fortuate to have a friend with me so she helped make it easier.  Having lived with him for over 2 1/2 years, my problem now is that it is so quiet and lonely around my place.  I have my dogs and cat to keep me company, but the darkness and quiet that come with him not being here are very difficult to adjust to.  Does anyone have any advice for how to make it easier to adjust to?  I am trying to keep busy when I have down time and I have made plans with friends to fill in some of that empty time.</p><p>I also want to know if anyone has any tips for ways to meet new "girlfriends" to hang out with?  As with any relationship, the two of us spent a lot of time together and we did do things with others, but the majority of the time was spent with just the two of us.  I am fortunate to have a great "girlfriend" who has been there for me and supported me through this breakup, but I feel I need to build a larger social network.</p><p>Jennifer</p>

One of the things I did was rearrange all of the furniture in the house so it looked nothing like it did when we were together.  I did a lot of closet cleaning and throwing out of items and clothes.

Generally speaking, to have a friend is to be a friend, so place yourself in situations where a lot of women would be. A lot of women take classes/lessons--golf lessons (womenoncourse dot com would be a great way to start), ballet/tap/belly dance classes; sewing classes; art classes, sky diving, diving, animal rescue organizations, hospital volunteering---really, anything that will enrich your own life is where you will find others who are looking to enrich their own lives and a lot of them are women.