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| Sat, 10-23-2004 - 4:22pm |
he insists that the reason he broke up with me is because he wanted to "be single," but i'm having a hard time with that. i take it personally, and think that i must've done something to "drive him away." should i just accept what he says as true? i just don't understand that, though. how could anyone breakup with someone they "love" just to "be single?"
we both want to salvage a friendship out of this mess, but it's very hard for us. we were eachother's first loves, and this was my very first (and i thought only) serious relationship. we have never known eachother as strictly friends; we began dating the day that we met eachother.
in a moment of weakness, i called him crying and upset. he's been my best friend for so long, i just expected him to be there for me. but, he wasn't really. he seemed frustrated and said "i thought you were okay with this." i am okay with the breakup, but no contact (outside of school) kills me. how can he ignore someone who he's been with for over a year?
remember, this is my very first breakup. i'm 18, and feeling so scared. i feel selfish, because i keep thinking that my life is over, like my one chance at love has ended. i feel stupid, because i know that's not true, but i can't picture myself with anyone else but him. every guy i've met since the breakup seems SO substandard to me. i can't even imagine dating around or being attracted to anyone else.
it's been a month since we broke up, and my mom's therapist says that it takes 2 and a half months for every year you were together to get over it. well, i still have 3 to 4 months left.
the hardest thing is, i don't know what to do with myself. i find myself wondering what i did before i met him. i don't know how to be single, and i don't want to be without HIM.
i don't want to go through several serious relationships and break up. i hate this more than anything. i want to get married soon after college, and that's in about 3 years.
so, thank you for taking the time to read all this. if you have any advice whatsoever, i'd really appreciate it.
so, if anyone out there has been through what i'm going through, please let me know: will you find love again after this?
is it possible that he is telling the truth and it really is nothing personal?
i have so many questions, and he doesn't have any answers. should i just ignore him and forget him until i'm over him? is there any possibility of us being friends after everything we've been through?
he's such an amazing person, and i'll always love him, no matter what. i don't want to lose him forever; i'm not saying that i want him as a boyfriend again, because i'd never go back to him, but i don't want him to cease to be a part of my life.
i'm so confused, and i know this whole entry was probably confusing to read, i'm sorry. i just am looking for answers, and not knowing scares the hell out of me.
thanks <3

I know you hurt but you are so young! You will have so many other relationships and someday you will look back on this and wonder what you even saw in him! Trust me. You have so many experiences ahead of you!! Get out there and have fun...hang out with friends...stay strong and before long you will be over him. You'll have good days and bad days..that is for sure! BUT you will find love again!
As far as being friends with him.. I wouldn't recommend it.....it will just make you want him more and you will get your hopes up and get hurt over and over again! Try to not have any contact and things will get better! I was with my ex for 5 years and we have a baby together and it's been so hard but things are finally looking better!It's about time! I am finally not crying over him but I do miss him but then I try to think of all the mean things he's said or done to hurt me and then I know I do not want him!
You can do better...someone that wants you unconditionally and you don't need to be second best with. Someone that wants you because you are you! You will find love again! I can't wait till I do, too! Best of luck, sweetie and if ya want you can e-mail me at Thumper7467@aol.com! ((((HUGS))))