looking for comfort
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looking for comfort
| Sat, 10-02-2004 - 6:15pm |
well as of yesterday i am now a single women. me and my bf were having trouble dealing with his soon to be ex-wife and their two children. she has threatened him numerous times that if he stays with me then she will take his children away. being the good father he is, he chose the children and will follow through with the divorce. we decided to remain friends and talk on occassion, maybe start hanging out again as friends after his divorce. my problem is that i want to still be with this man in the future and i feel he wants the same thing. i understand his decision to remain in his kids life and know he made the right decision. i am planning on moving on in my life and furthuring my future. however, i want him to be in my life and do not want to be with another man. we have discussed this and we both do not want to be with anyone else other than each other. we have given each other all of our love and want to hold on to our relationship that we had. this is the man i want to marry and will wait for him even though we dont know what the future may bring for me and him. in my heart i feel that if its meant to be it will naturally happen. we are best friends and cherish each other to stay in one anothers lives. i know moving on is the right thing to do, but how does one continue to be best firends and move on from the man they know is there soulmate?

I know you're going through a difficult time a feeling all sorts of emotions. I think your best bet is to leave him be until his divorce is final....then if you want to be friends or pursue a relationship....then great and if you don't that's fine to. But I think attempting a friendship now may only make things harder. I wish you the best of luck no matter what you decide to do. Remember...we're here if you need us!!
I'm sorry but I just don't get it.
If you love this man and want to be with him and consider him your soulmate I don't understand how you can just expect to go from that to being a friend. It sounds really painful to me.
I think if he really loved you that you would come before his children. I think you're fooling yourself.
It does concern me that he is easily maniputated by his wife, but on the flip side -- he does needs to practice discreetion until his divorce is final. I have read on numerous legal sites that one should not even date until one is divorced. Separated or not, they are still legally married and any conduct on his part can have ramifications. In a perfect world, when two people separate they would wish each other well and not use the kids as weapons against each other. But it is not a perfect world and breakups can cause people to become bitter and vengeful.
I just have one word of caution for you, if you put your life on hold and wait for him -- you may set yourself up for future heartbreak. Men are a great one for taking comfort from someone while they are going through a rough time, only to move on when things are better. Especially after a divorce when they can turn into kids in a candy store, if you know what I mean (Who me .. bitter?) Just tread carefully and if you are to be his friend, then try to accept that may be all you will ever be from here on out. Good luck -- I didn't mean to sound so gloomy, it's just that I had my heart broken my a separated guy who decided he didn't need me anymore once his life smoothed out.
Lois