Losing my Fiance
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| Wed, 01-11-2006 - 11:18am |
I have been with my fiance for about two years now. Ive had my fair share of horrible relationships but this one is different. He is the most amazing, loving, patient man I have ever met. The only problem is that for the past year for some reason I have turned to alcohol and an eating disorder. My fiance has spent a great deal of that time thinking it would just go away. Finally after another night of me being drunk and billigerant he finally gave me an ultimatum to stop. That was a month and a half ago. I have been seeing a doctor and have done better but have had a couple of relapses. He has been to the point a few times of telling me to move out but I have always convinced him I would do better. I actually have Ive gone some time w/o drinking. Well last night was the last straw I bought a drink and hid it under the bed. I didnt drink it just thought about it. well he found it and was convinced i had drank it. Well needless to say that was the last straw. I feel like all of this has not been worth it I may have destroyed the best thing in my life! I want to convince him of how hard Im trying and how much I am actually progressing. How do I fix this potentially broken relationship?

Perhaps there is somthing else internally that is bothering you that you have turned to the bottle and an eating disorder. A lot of times people try to hide behind those "temporary fixes" to hide the real problem. I think you need to sit down and do some soul searching and find out what the underlying problem is.
I also STRONGLY suggest you start going to AA meetings, and eating disorder support groups. You've said yourself that this is probably the best thing that ever happened to you. If you don't fix it now, what's going to happen with the next guy if this one doesn't work out. From what you have posted, this guy seems like he doesn't want to let go. Continue to piss away the relationship, and he will. I promise you that.
The relapses are probably happening because you are trying to do this on your own. As I said before, you need some support. Every time you feel like hitting the bottle or puking or whatever it is you do, you need someone you can call, such as a sponsor of some type who can help you through your difficult time. When you feel like you're going to relapse, go for a walk, eat some ice cream, scribble on paper, do SOMETHING, ANYTHING to get away from the feelings.
I've found that during my recent breakup, when I would write my feelings down, it calmed me. Maybe that won't work for you, but you have to do something before you lose this guy for good. Maybe that's what you want?
"I want to convince him of how hard Im trying and how much I am actually progressing."
You shouldn't have to CONVINCE anyone of anything. You should be able to show them and prove to them that you are doing it.
Again, I strongly suggest you get into some support groups so this doesn't take over your life. And do sit down and do some personal evaluations on yourself. Discover what the real problem is behind your alcohol use and abuse, and the eating disorder.
Good luck, and may you have the strength to do this!
Amanda
I don't know if this would work, but how about middle ground. Talk to him about a break - meaning taking some time off each other. Set a time limit - say 1 year..anything really.
And then, take that time and take care of yourself. Figure yourself out first and maybe then you wouldn't be destroying a relationship but rather just delaying it. But in order for this to work, you would have to commit to this a lot more than you have. AA meetings will help you a lot - even in figuring out the relationship.
Commit to the AA meetings and then if things are going well, suggest a similar support group for loved ones of AA to your fiance.
Keep us posted,
Ash