lost

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
lost
3
Sun, 01-15-2006 - 5:04pm
Here I go,
I feel like I've cried my eyes out to my friends, family, anyone who will listen... 2 weeks ago my boyfriend of almost 3 years came home from a trip and sat me down to tell me that we were done and that he was moving out of our home. His reasoning was that "he was tired and he didn't see us ever being together." After the initial shock wore off, the tears came... actually they ahven't stopped since. I have tried to make sense of it all, he wants to be friends wants to spend time together but he says he never wants me as his girlfriend. So we have now gone from talking about marriage, to nothing at all. I have asked him for a reason and he can only tell me that I didn't make him happy anymore (in the past 2 months,) and that he wasn't willing to make it work. Now I wonder what I should do.... I still wish that he will one day wake-up and realize that he loves me, but I know that it will never happen. How can you just stop loving someone just like that? And maybe more importantly; how do I move on, and do I even bother talking to him after all of this. I now cry, and he sits in his new place alone and unhappy, it just doesn't seem right.
-Me
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: goddess_faith
Sun, 01-15-2006 - 7:00pm

I'm sorry to hear about your breakup. Have you heard of Greg Behrendt's new book, "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken"? I think you might find it helpful...I know I did.

The most important thing at this point is not having any contact with him. He is selfish to think that the two of you can be friends at this point...for him, it's easier because he had time to get used to the idea. You, on the other hand, have to deal with the shock of it being over.

Maybe he will wake up someday and realize he made a mistake...but you can't put your life on hold in the meantime hoping that will happen. The sooner you start no contact, the sooner you'll be ready to move on and find a man who is right for you.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
In reply to: goddess_faith
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 12:22pm
Thank you, I keep reading other people's stories and I'm still a mess. I keep wondering if I had done things differently then this wouldn't have happened. What if I would have gone home with him for x-mas, maybe he wouldn't have done this. If I would have held his hand more, then maybe... the list goes on and it's this big torture in my mind. I wish I could shut my mind off, I wish I could go back to normal work, normal eating, living again. It kills when people say he will change his mind, and he says NEVER. I have to go with his answer, because I need to move on, yet it is so hard.... Just sick of crying, sick of feeling like we could have talked this through. Sick of him saying that he still isn't happy, he should be extatic if I made him so unhappy, just don't know...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2006
In reply to: goddess_faith
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 3:08pm

Hi,

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. Whatever you do don't contact him... it'll only make things harder on you. I know its so hard. I'm not sure how someone just changes their feelings on a flip of a dime. As for him waking up... I'm sure he will, but it could be a week, month or year or 5 years who knows. Just try to get past it. I know its hard without closure. But give it time. Let the healing begin. As for moving on... you will.