lost ,broken,on zanax,and still hurting

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2007
lost ,broken,on zanax,and still hurting
14
Sun, 11-11-2007 - 11:19am
i had known this man for 9 years as a co-worker last year we started golfing together .he told me he was separated and had filed for divorce and that he had always had a crush on me .i was flattered so we talked more.i have alot of trust issues'i had never heard anything bad about him everyone liked and respected him.so i started dating him .he acted like he worshiped me

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2007
Sun, 11-11-2007 - 1:45pm

I'm really sorry you are going through all this, I completely understand what you are going through because I have been there myself. I know this is still really fresh in your mind, but trust me, the pain will subside with time, but it will take a bit of work on your part.


The best advice I can give you right now is to focus on you and getting yourself back together. Keep taking your medications, try to eat, and get plenty of sleep. I found that for the first few days all I wanted to do was sleep. Do things that will make you feel better. Manicures, pedicures, massages, yoga, soaking in a bath. Nurture yourself. Just because he didn't see what a caring and loving person you are, it doesn't mean you're not, it just means that he wasn't the right one for you.


Stop contacting him - no phonecalls, e-mails, nothing. You can't get better if you are still focused on him and what he is doing. He's obviously a user and a player, and you don't need someone in your life like that. Trust me, what goes around comes around and he'll get his. Don't take his phonecalls because he just wants to make sure you're miserable and still thinking about him, or he needs an ego boost. You're better than that!


As in Math, the quickest way from Point A to Point B is straight. You have to grieve this relationship, and feel all the crappy feelings that go along with a loss. Get sad, get mad, get it all out. Write, scream, call friends, cry, whatever. If you keep avoiding it, the longer it will take to heal. I know what it's like to feel like you can't breathe, can't eat, can't sleep, but you have to feel the pain in order to heal. I've printed off almost all the resources posted on these message boards and I read them whenever I'm having a difficult time. It's just going on Day 14 of NC with my ex, but it is getting better. Read the wisdom from other people, take their advice and do what they do to relieve the sadness and anger. Do what you need to do heal. For me, I've been doing a lot of praying and reading my Bible because I find that it gives me a sense of peace. I've also talked with a lot of my girlfriends, rearranged my house so that things aren't the same, refocused on my Masters course, wrote my ex a letter that I never sent, and I bought some of the books suggested in the Resource section. Instead of spending all my time fixing up a guy that will never be mine emotionally, I'm spending my energy on something more worthwhile, me.


Take it hour by hour, day by day. My mood changes with the hour, but I think that if I can get through this hour, I'll be a bit better. At it is...


hugs, lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 11-11-2007 - 4:13pm

Welcome to the board sambo5024,


I'm sorry you are going through this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2007
Mon, 11-12-2007 - 6:10pm
Thank you Lisa for the advice.And thank for taking the time to write it.I am going to print it out and read it often. And I really needed the hugs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2005
Mon, 11-12-2007 - 8:38pm
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Edited 11/12/2007 8:43 pm ET by baalpriestess
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2007
Wed, 11-14-2007 - 9:29pm

Hi,


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2007
Wed, 11-14-2007 - 10:07pm

I'm really sorry you're going through this, your pain comes across very vividly in your posting. I hope that you are able to find some comfort from the pain.


I have been where you are, and I know that it's not a great place to be. I know it's not what you want to hear, but you have to stop contacting him and give him the space he has asked for from you and from the relationship. I can't tell you if he's going to come back or not, but what I can tell you is that you have to let go and move on with your life.


I agree with what he has told you about you making him your 'happiness'. This is the hardest lesson I've had to learn in all of my relationships, and it's something with which I am still struggling. It wasn't until after my last break-up 17 days ago that I really took a good hard look at my own insecurities and what I bring to a relationship. I've spent this time working on nuturing myself, getting a life, and becoming a better person. Like you, I

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2006
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 2:41pm

OMG!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2007
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 4:25pm
I am sorry. they make drugs for everything I wish they made them to help you forget about how bad it hurts.My friends call me everyday to tell me who he is seeing now,what they are doing,they are already taking trips together.my self esteem is so low I am surprised I can spell it.I keep replaying in my head things I could have done different but i know it wouldnt have mattered.everything was a lie.every touch,every word that came out of his mouth.I am very sorry I wish I could help I cant even help myself.if you want to talk I am here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2006
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 4:48pm

i don't think talking does any better at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2007
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 5:27pm
it gets better.my love for him was destroyed by him.Now I cant stop thinking about hurting him as bad as he hurt me , but

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