Lost...(sorry about rambling...)
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 07-27-2006 - 6:46pm |
My bf and I broke up on Monday. I confronted him about his feelings and he admitted that he wasn't in love with me and we are just too different. We'd been together for about 8 months and before that we'd been friends for 2 years...
I called him the next day and asked him if he really thought we didn't have a chance and he said he didn't think we could stay together without things getting worse.
Today is thursday. I survived yesterday and I am trying to survive today. I sometimes see him at work. When I see him, it's hard and when I don't see him, I miss him so much. I cry at work, I cry at home. I'm so used to talking to him on the phone before going to bed every night so now I have trouble falling asleep. This weekend is going to be especially hard because I'm so used to spending my weekends at his place.
I really don't know what to do. I really want to call him and ask him to give me one more chance but I know that being clingy is not a way to go usually. And I know that if he said no, my heart will break all over again. But then I think, maybe he'll really see how much I love him and since it wasn't like he hated me or we had a fight, maybe he'll give me one more chance...
I really love him. I miss him so much. He's my best friend. I guess that's what hurts the most. Losing my best friend. And I really hate that I'm suffering more than he is. I was a lot more emotionally involved, he's got his family around the city and I don't, he likes his job and is always busy and active where as I hate my job so I'm always daydreaming at work. He was my closest friend, one person I could talk to and I lost him...
Would calling him or emailing him be a really bad idea...? What if I told him I wanted to stay friends? Would I be able to survive that...? Does that ever work...? What works? How do I get him back? How do I move on...? I really need some advice. Thanks...

Pages
As I was reading your message, I thought to myself that I could be writing that message myself. You and I are going through the exact same emotions. I cry all the time, have a hard time falling asleep, and I too lost my best friend. The only difference is my bf and I arent exactly broken up i guess. He wants me to put our relationship on hold until he works out all the issues in his head. But putting things on hold means not talking everyday and not really being a couple. I know your weekend is going to be a hard one, but try to keep your mind off your ex (I know its easier said than done). Maybe go to the gym, or go see a movie(maybe I should take my own advice!). But, do not call him or email him! Give yourself some time to think some things through. Let him miss you and let him think that your busy. Go to the bookstore and pick up a copy of "The Rules", its about rules girls should follow after they break up with someone. Anyway, good luck this weekend and be your own best friend.
Thank you for your reply... I really appreciate it. And I'll definitely go check out the book for sure. I probably really need it.
I guess the worst part for me is that we work at a same place so there's always a chance of running into him. And I've been trying so hard to run into him so that he doesn't forget about me... I guess I should stop that too. And we also have a same circle of friends.
As for your situation, I've been in a few long distance relationships and they are extremely difficult. Especially when there are other issues involved... It's much easier if you know there's an end to it, like... you move to where he is or he moves to where you are eventually.
I hope both you and I survive this and I hope it's not a long, slow, painful process. I hope your bf comes to his senses and I hope it all works out for you...
....."I really don't know what to do. I really want to call him and ask him to give me one more chance but I know that being clingy is not a way to go usually. And I know that if he said no, my heart will break all over again. But then I think, maybe he'll really see how much I love him and since it wasn't like he hated me or we had a fight, maybe he'll give me one more chance...".....
I totally agree with Sandra.
Every question you asked, we've all asked ourselves. How can I fix this? What did I do? Why am I hurting more than he is? etc. As tough as it is to hear, Sandra gave you the right answers. The fact is, you can't make someone love you no matter how much you love them. Even when you both love each other, sometimes love isn't enough to carry a relationship through long term.
And your not all alone. Every woman on this board has been through a break up --- some more than one. I know I used these boards many times when I wanted to contact the ex.
As for being friends again, it's way to early for that. I think this can only work when you actually like your ex (the person he is vs future husbad material) and when enough time has passed that you don't have any hopes of a reconcilliation.
Hugs
Kathy
Thank you to both Sandra and Kathy. I guess it's not what I wanted to hear but it's what I needed to hear... Everytime i get an urge to talk to him, I'll read and reread these posts and remind myself how much of a bad idea that is...
My question at this point is, what do I do when I run into him? So far, I've run into him quite a few times and everytime, I just looked away and walked away. Is that the right thing to do? Should I acknowledge him and at least say hi? at least smile? We work at a same place so the last thing I want to do is be unprofessional.
I guess the lesson here is "never date someone from work"...
I think you should do whatever feels right for you. It sucks that you have to see him while your still healing. If it was me, I'd try to avoid him as best I could and when I can't, yes I'd probably smile and say hey. If only to prove to him (and myself) that I'm doing just fine.
Kathy
Hi again,
Just wondering if you know who wrote the book? I went to the amazon website to search but I'm having a little hard time finding it. (The rules seem to be included in many many book titles...)
Thanks.
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this and it sounds like you have some unanswered questions on why he all of a sudden doesn't love you anymore and why he thinks you two are different. My ex and I were also together for 8 months and knew each other for over 20 years and I was deeply in love with him. He one day just decided to stop returning my calls and that was 6 weeks ago. I have a lot of unanswered questions and even his friends don't understand why he is doing this but I have made a pack with myself to NOT contact him even though it is so hard to do. I also have trouble sleeping at night, the weekends are very tough for me but I do my best to keep busy with friends and family. The only good thing that came out of this breakup is that I lost 13 pounds.
Please do not contact him because YOU need to start the healing process of moving on and YOU need to take care of yourself right now. If you feel the need to call him or email him, call a family member or friend instead. I know you are suffering right and feel he isn't but I bet he is and men just have a way of not showing it. I have found out through some of my ex'es friends that he is not the same person and this is bothering him but I still am not contacting him. I am going to make him wonder what it going on with me. You might want to consider finding another job that you will enjoy. I think this will help you heal faster. It stinks to have a relationship just end and you don't really know why but there are just some people out there that will come into our lives, make us feel that they care and love us and then all of a sudden they leave us high-n-dry.
The following few weeks and even months are going to be hard but do your best to lean on family and friends and focus on YOU not him.
Take Care!
Thanks for your reply...
I guess his reason is that he's not in love with me and it's not worth to continue being with me if he doesn't feel that way after 8 months.
I am not really sure how he's doing because we're not talking and I'm not really talking to people I know he's talked to. Not that they'd tell me but I also don't want to put them in an awkward situation. But the people I've talked to are being super supportive and I've made plans with them to do stuff this weekend so that it's easier for me.
I hope you get the answers you've been looking for soon and I hope I can lose at least 13 pounds as well... :)
Pages