In a lot pain!! Help me out !

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
In a lot pain!! Help me out !
1
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 6:26am

Basic history rundown:

Been seeing this guy for 11 months. During this time its never been an "easy" relationship. He not a communicator, hates the L word, and isnt into committment(not becuase he wants to date others its more about freedom to do as he pleases with him)

Well there have been many things that have taken place over time that have left me feeling unrespected and not like much of a priority in his life. I guess you could say this last week was a bad one.

Weds. was my bday and I asked him about us getting together on Thursday to spend time together beings he was off from work for a substantial amount of days, I didnt think it was a big deal to give up one evening with his kids(he works shift work, and whenever hes on his days off he always has the kids, works out to be 15 days out a month). He told me he couldnt but he could come down friday for my lunch hour. When he got here he had not even a card for me,nothing. Then he said Ill see you Saturday night or Sunday afternoon, hows that? I said yes, just call me with what works for you. My kids were gone for the weekend.

Well saturday came with no word from him, he finally called sunday about 11AM, and was on his way to buy a truck load of mulch for his yard. I said what about us? He said I cant do anything today. So when I said well you could of called he gave me some sappy sorry, then went on to talk about something else. He then asked me whats wrong with you, you sound upset. So I told him yes I am, I at least deserved a call. And it disappointed me that you broke plans too.

So with that I wrote him an email...told him how I felt about the no call thing and my birthday going unacknowledged. I even told him in the email that it wasnt about a gift, but maybe spend a nice day or evening with me like he offered, would have been a great gift and would have made me feel special. I told him that disappointment was one thing but being hurt by someone you care for is another.

Since then no word from him at all!!! Ill assume hes mad over my email, and thats a real joke to me, Im the one that got hurt in all this. I dont usually stand up and tell him how I feel because he "refuses to argue, discuss feelings.....and says if thats what goes on he just walks out." So I lived in fear that I would lose him, now that I opened my mouth I suppose I did.

Maybe its not a bad thing, if this is his reaction!!! But I love him and my heart is broken right now. Ive cried since Saturday night over this, but I knew I had to do something, because I felt like I was letting him walk all over me. I recently divorced after a 21 year marriage, and during the last 10 years my ex treated me that way too. He slowly chipped away at my self respect and self esteem. I built it up again only to let this man start to do the same.

WHAT DO I DO NOW????? Why am I sitting here crying and wanting to call him and apologize for what I wrote? I suppose I just really didnt want to let go of him, but in my heart I knew I couldnt let this go on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 1:28pm

hi jerseygirl2006

i'm so sorry that you felt this way!!! YOUR NOT ALONE DEAR MY EXBF DO SAME SH!T LIKE YOUR EXBF....NO TIME, CANT CALL, HIS TOO BUSY WORKING ALL THOSE CRAFT!!

WE ARE JUST HUMAN..WE GET TIRED "OFCOURSE"...WE HAVE FEELINGS..I DONT KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH THIS GUYS..WE TELL THEM IF WE THINK, THAT THEY HURT US FOR SOME REASON...DO THEY CARE!! I DONT THINK SO!! BESIDE INSTEAD OF THEM TELLING US THAT THEY ARE SORRY. IT SEEM THAT WE ARE THE ONE LOOK BAD...THAT WE THINK SO WRONG!!! RIGHT?

YOU KNOW WHAT I GET TIRED OF THIS SITUATION...I DONT WANT TO BE A SECOND CHOICE ANYMORE..COZ IF EVEN I'M BUSY I FIND A WAY TO GET IN TOUCH WITH HIM..OR ACTUALLY HIS STILL THE PRIORITY...YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

BUT US I'M ASSUMING WHERE NOT EVEN IN THEIR LIST AT ALL...ISNT THATS UNFAIR!!

DO YOU WANNA BE IN THIS KINDA RELATIONSHIP? I DONT

WELL LIKE YOU MENTION YOU BEEN IN THIS SITUATION WITH YOUR PREVIEWS RELATIONSHIP...DONT LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN..WHY DONT YOU THINK THIS WAY..IF HE LOVES YOU OR ATLEAST HE CARES..HE WONT DO THINGS THAT HE WILL HURT YOUR FEELING...COZ FOR ME IF THE PERSON DO REALLY CARE...THEY WILL ATLEAST TRY THEIR VERY BEST TO DO EVERYTHING FOR THE RELATIONSHIP TO WORK.

PLEASE DONT CALL HIM LET HIM REALIZE WHAT HE DID COZ IF YOU CALL HIM YOU GONNA MAKE HIM WORST OTHER WORD "BIG HEADED".

ALSO LET HIM SEE YOUR VALUE..COZ IF YOU GONNA BE AROUND HIM. HE WONT KNOW THAT!!

GOOD LUCK JUST REMEMBER YOUR NOT ALONE..WE COULD DO THIS!! WE COULD SHOW THEM WHAT THEY LOSE!! GOD BLESS YOU!!