Love to hear some opions

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2002
Love to hear some opions
Sat, 04-30-2011 - 10:19pm

After four years,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sun, 05-01-2011 - 1:53am

I suspect the reason he broke up with you after 4 years was because he was already seeing someone else. All the reasons he gave you sound like excuses he made up, otherwise why would all these things all of a sudden come up after 4 years? Men very rarely leave a long time marriage or relationship unless they have someone else waiting in the wings. Sorry if this hurts to hear, but that's my honest opinion. As far as him wanting a FWB relationship, you have every right to be hurt and insulted by his suggestion of this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 05-02-2011 - 10:11am

I definitely think it would be too hurtful to you to have a FWB relationship w/ this guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2002
Mon, 05-02-2011 - 8:44pm
Yes, you are right. I screwed up today and called him to ask him what in the world he was thinking when he did that. He did say he was sorry, but I guess not enough to call me and tell me that!
This is the hardest thing I have ever been through, it is so different going from everyday to nothing at all. I know that I can do this, I just need some suggestions on getting my mind to work harder on the cold turkey
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2002
Mon, 05-02-2011 - 8:48pm
I would believe that but we were together everyday, I truly believe that he did this because of the arguments. I also believe that he thinks that he can find someone else better for him, without the fights.
I dont believe that if he had someone else waiting in the wings that he would have called me twice last week. Again, I do know and believe that he is looking and going out, just not with one paticular person.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2011
Mon, 05-02-2011 - 8:58pm

Well - I actually do think he found someone else and he wants FWB's - don't ever do that.

But are you

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2002
Tue, 05-03-2011 - 8:56pm
Yes, we did, we had broken up several times before for the same reason. I have no desire to be a FWB's. The thought never crossed my mind. Im not sure what you mean by there not always excuses.
The reason I said I didnt feel that the break up was due to someone else was because we spent every day together. Now would I believe he met someone during this time, maybe, but I really dont believe that there was any dates or what have you. Im really not trying to be naive about this, but I was with him for a while, the man spent a lot of money and all of his free time with me, so another person just doesnt sound right to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sun, 05-08-2011 - 12:31am

How would you feel if someone who said they loved you didn't trust you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 05-08-2011 - 5:35pm


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2006
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 3:29pm
My ex and I saw each other all the time, we talked and texted...and HE HAD SOMEONE STAYING AT HIS HOUSE WITH HIM!!! For weeks! I had no idea, she was never there when I was there. He managed it somehow. So yes, it is possible.

That being said, a guy who can suggest sex with out strings to someone he knows cares about him isn't a quality guy. Don't call him unless you want to keep feeling awful. It's like having surgery to remove a tumor. It's going to hurt and take a while for recovery, but you will be healthier once you're healed. You wouldn't tell the doctor to leave the tumor there so you won't have to deal with surgery pain...would you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 4:35pm
Just a couple of things:
I don't think he had someone on the side, and I think he had very valid points. Men do think about long-term relationships in similar terms as women do. And if you two broke up over the same things over and over, then really, what choice did he have any more? Did you change your behavior any of those other times for very long? I'm guessing probably not otherwise you wouldn't find yourself here.

I think he would LOVE to be with you, however, your jealousy/insecurity seems to have been more than he (or maybe anyone) could take. How's that jealousy working for you? Like someone else mentioned, it's not cute, and it's also not a measure of how much you care.

I absolutely loved my ex-husband when we were together. If I didn't I wouldn't have married him. We were together for 11 years, but the jealousy was something I could no longer live with. It absolutely sucks not being trusted, being questioned at almost every turn, and as much as I loved that man, it SUCKED being with a jealous person. And then HE was the one who ended up cheating, not me! So go figure. Anyway, those are the reasons we divorced. However, believe it or not, the cheating was a technicality since the jealousy pretty much killed it way before that.

As far as the no-strings-attached sex suggestion, well, you've said no and he's apologized. Just leave it at it was a knuckleheaded moment of weakness.

More importantly this is a good time to take a good look at yourself and how you conduct yourself in your relationships. Does what he said about you have any merit? If it does, then I hope you know what to do and that it has nothing to do with him.

At the end of the day, would you rather hold onto your lover, or hold onto your jealousy?

Best of luck,

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