love is just a word

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
love is just a word
3
Thu, 02-28-2008 - 3:35am

Oh man. 3 years ago I was in a relationship and he broke it off. Reasons dont matter. It ended.


Yesterday, after a year of being with a guy that I have spent every day with, that I enjoyed being with immensely, that was on the same wavelength with me, the guy that I have fallen in love with, the guy I thought I was gonna marry, travel with, have kids with, the guy that loves to explore the world and is a free spirit just like me, said 'i love you but i am not in love with you'. First time ever somebody said it to me.


I spent the night there, I know we will see eachother because even more then lovers we were friends, homies, but can I just tell you, this is such a shock for me. I don't know how to act, it is hard to breathe. You know how you create all these dreams you imagine how things will be with that person. And the next moment it al goes in the wind.


I asked him 'why didnt you tell me sooner'? He said he didnt know any sooner. Only 2 days ago he didnt feel this way but overnight a switch was made. And I know, some of you might think he is bsing. But, I believe what he says as we have always been very honest with eachother and had a very healthy relationship.


So, I am here to say: how in then world am I going to give my love to anybody ever again when something like this can happen. One day they love you, the next they are gone. So scary. So discouraging. So sad.


So here I am. In Croatia, Europe. It is 9am. A day after the break up. I keep on reminding myself that I gotta breathe. And, I am afraid of going back to my apartment that is full of memories of him. I am afraid of being alone. I have disregarded so many friends, I have dedicated so much time to him, every free moment I had was shared with him. With my homie. With my lover. And friend. I consider him my family. I consider him my companion. My partner in crime. I have given all of me to him.


It was so hard getting over that first time I fell in love. But I thought, I can not lose faith, I gotta let myself love again. Is it really worth it though? All this pain, my heart aching. Were all the good moments worth it? Or am I gonna spend the next 6 months wishing I could relive them.


Yes, I have put more effort in this relationship, yes I organized stuff for us to do, yes I was awesome when around him. Yes, I had fun because of me. I had fun because I could see the way I was around him and I liked it, I enjoyed it. He brought the best out of me. Where will I find the motivation to be this great again when it seems that all that is out there for me, when dating a guy, is a broken heart in the end.


I know it is not you and me that are at fault. But neither are them, you know? It is just how things happened. Feelings changed. And I can not handle that because I can not fight it, I can not influence it. It is OUT OF MY HANDS: AND THAT IS WHAT KILLS ME LADIES. We cant even control it. The only thing we can control is how we respond to it. But nobody asks you whether you are ready to break up, whether you really want it, whether you will survive.


I heard somebody say this once, a long time ago, on this board. They said, guys are like cabs. They drive around with red lights. When that light turns green they will pick up the one that is standing there, closest to them. When they are ready they will commit, they will settle down they will...


Do any of you realize how hard it is to find a guy to like? To find a guy that likes you back. To find a guy that shares your interests, to find a guy you can learn from, to find a guy that loves and respects you. So hard. For me it happens once in a blue moon that all these things come together. Once in a blue moon.


I am so sad. I wish I believed in God, or universe, or faith. It would be easier. But I don't. What am I gonna do ladies. How am I gonna do this. Tell me something, anything. Please.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2007
Thu, 02-28-2008 - 6:01pm

Hi

I know sometimes it feels like it's all for nothing. Right? In some way it is, but anyhow, I don't think love is a waste of time. You just have to know what comes with it...heartache, rollercoaster rides, feelings changing over time...etc. No matter how happy you are with your significant other, or when you are at the prime of your relationship...you should always know in the back of your mind that things may, and probably will change in the future. Try not to get down about it. You obviously are not alone.

I've had my own love experiences and relationships in the past, and I have no regrets, even though I had to deal with different kinds of heartache. I consider myself lucky to have experienced the greatest feeling of emotion possible, even though it hasn't lasted.

Like a lot of things in life, love comes and it goes. You just have to accept that, and take it for what it is.

For some people I know, the heartache is too much to bear...so they don't allow themselves to be put in any love situation where they may get hurt in the end.

It's up to you what you want to do.

~The Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
Fri, 02-29-2008 - 2:26am

God, it sounds so harsh when you say it. I know it is true but it just sounds so harsh.
I still believe in that unconditional love...coming from both sides. Do you think it even exists? am I just a hopeless dreamer for believing in it? I am just afraid I will lose all my faith in love. The one that trandescends everything and anything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2007
Fri, 02-29-2008 - 7:13am

I'm sorry if I depressed you.

I believe in unconditional love, also. If we're lucky I guess we'll find it, or it'll find us.

~The Jen