Love on Love Off
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| Sun, 09-09-2007 - 2:02pm |
My now recently exboyfriend and I have been together for almost 7 years. We've had so many ups and downs, and perhaps more downs than ups, but it seemed that over the past 7 months we were making progress. But for some reason everytime in between we had a problem, he'd automatically break up with me... days or even weeks later, we'd get back together, but sadly enough these days I was the only one initiating the relationship. He would tell me how much he loved me, he wanted to be with me, etc... spending the rest of our lives together.
Then, just yesterday, for like the 100th time in 7 months, he breaks up with me. Over something trivial, and in this case nothing to even do with us. We got into an argument, of course, but it seems like every time we argue, whether it was big or small, he was on the "it's over" rampage. And then he always becomes cold, if I cry, he tells me to suck it up, if I get angree, I'm a crazy bitch.... there's never any sympathy. It's like he's protecting himself. Then he tells me he's fallen out of love with me! When just a day before he showering me with how madly in love he was with me. I have brought all these issues up with him, told him how contradicting he is... but it seldomly helps. Especially yesterday, where he stuck to his guns.
How could some one I've been with for 7 years, who've I've been loyal and true to from the very start, be like a light switch, turns on and off with his love! How do get through to him? We've already gone through a series of not talking to each other, and it doesn't make any sense to me. And the hardest part is accepting he really wants to move on... I don't understand, especially when I thought we were doing great. Why is he on the polar oposite?! Why can't we just make this work!?!

God I'm really sorry this is happening. I remember the week before I broke up with my ex when we were 'together'. Walking on eggshells every day lest I say something that upset him and make him not want to give our relationship a 'try' (not that he was really trying anyways at the point, in retrospect) was hell. In hindsight I wish I'd just told him "fine, break up. NO problem. Later" instead of groveling for another chance. I can only imagine what it would be like doing that for 7 years.
But I guess my advice would be the one I'd wished I followed - break it up. It'll hurt like HELL when you do, but there's a sense of relief too that your self-imposed emotional limbo is over. A guy who uses break-up like that isn't emotionally mature enough to sustain a relationship.
And no, I won't even take a gander at why his love is like a lightbulb. The bottom line I guess is that nobody deserves to be kept in limbo like that, but only you can extract yourself from the situation.
cheers
Susanna
Thanks for your kind words Suesanna. I can only imagine what hell I will go through, and who knows for how long. It sucks, because he's everything to me, and why all of sudden he feels the need to bail, is beyond my comprehension. The only thing to do is to move forward, but the saddest part about it, is that I want him there with me. I wish we would have broke it off 6 months into the relationship, not 7 years later. We were going to get married, have a family, the whole nine yards... I don't know if he's just upset and he's only trying to protect himself, I don't know, maybe he really has fallen out of love with me, but it's so hard to believe that. Why would he go on and off? I don't know, and I guess I should get used to never knowing at this point...
Thanks Again,
A
Sorry you are going through this.
I've been there too. My ex and I spent 4 years together; off and on and off and on. Each time, she would say she wasn't that into me and we broke up. The last breakup was in February and, I will tell you, right now, six months later, I feel so good about everything. Some days, I still wish she and I were together, but I know, looking back at it, it was never going to work.
You deserve someone who will be there for you, and want to be with you wholeheartedly, not just once in a while.
I hope everything turns out ok for you and good luck.
Rob