In love, but not right for each other?
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In love, but not right for each other?
| Wed, 07-26-2006 - 10:39pm |
I have been with my boyfriend for 5 1/2 years. When we met we had a long distance relationship for the first year and then I moved away to be with him. Last year my boyfriend proposed to me (pretty much after my nagging on him about it). I accepted and we set a date. A month before that date he told me that he didn't want to break up but that he didn't want to get married yet either. We ended up staying together and just recently bought a house. We had set a date again, but I still have a lot of issues with our relationship and so this time I cancelled. He has two children from a previous marriage and he has full custody of them. They don't even see their mom. My boyfriend's job is a nightmare and he works out of town A LOT! Monday thru Friday about 6 months out of the year he is out of town. During that time I am raising his kids. I have since day one. I am all they know as mom (having them since they were 3 and 5). Also, for the first four years of our relationship when he was home on the weekends he liked to go out and "play". He is very competitive with paintball, timber carnivals, arm wrestling, cage fighting, etc. He has really cooled down this past year because he hurt his back in a car accident. Since I have been with my boyfriend I have suffered serious depression and have been put on anti depressants and in the past five years I have gained almost a hundrd pounds!!! I have never in my life been even close to overweight, but now I obese! My boyfriend is a great guy: always calm headed, even tempered, a good provider, and good looking. BUT he is not a good father (he "lets" me take care of the kids ALL THE TIME and pretty much ignores them), he has NO personality. He doesn't have any of the same interest as me. He won't hang out with my friends or go out dancing or do anything that I'm interested in. He works out of town way too much. I basically feel like a glorified nanny. He insist that he appreciates me and that he loves me, but his actions are speaking louder than his words. I want to end things, but like I said, we just recently bought a house and neither one of us can afford to leave. I'm also worried about him and the kids. What happens to them? I've been thinking about making a "1 Year Plan" to end it, but would that be deceitful? What would you do? Am I crazy? I thought I could handle his work, but the more I'm with him I resent him. Because of this I get angry and snappy with him frequently. He says I'm mean and that's why he won't marry me. He doesn't think that I should feel the way that I do and that as long as we love each other, we should stay together. I think that we can love each other and still not be right for each other. Who is right?

Sounds like he doesn't appreciate you...
I have to say that the best thing you can do for yourself is put together a plan and be realistic with yourself. Setting a date is a great start. The date can just serve as a point where you can say "okay it has been 3 months, what has changed...where are we now?" And I feel that you have every right to be a little "bitter" because it seems to me that you are the one who is sacrificing herself for the sake of raising "His" children. I would also ask, is your sacrfice worth what he gives you? Does he make you feel good about yourself? Relationships are, in my opinion,about fulfilling needs for each other and making each other happy.
Hope my reply helped....