Loving someone but it just does not work

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2006
Loving someone but it just does not work
5
Thu, 01-31-2008 - 1:31pm


Woman meets recently separated man. They fall in love.

Fast forward 18 months.....He has been officially divorced for
almost 2 months.Our relationship has always been a
struggle. He cannot seem to open up his heart and love me fully.
Perhaps deep inside he has a terribly fearful of being hurt again.
I don't get flowers, cards, notes, romance, enough attention, enough
time. . The hardest thing is, he won't plan anything past
a few weeks ahead with me. He is still so confused. He is very
good to me otherwise, and very caring. I think he does really love
me and need me.
Nine days ago, I decided, even though I love him very much,
that it was time to end it. Then maybe in 6 months or a year
he could contact me when he is "better". He was surprised and
hurt and said "Can you still go on that 3 day business trip with
me next week?". I agreed. Now I am here, day 2. He seems
to have completely forgotten that this is the end. We have had
no further discussion. Now I have to bring it all up again tomorrow
before we part.
I had just been thinking about how there are so many people out
there who know there relationship is not working and they are
finding it impossible to end it. Fear of hurting the person, fear
of lonliness.... for whatever reason. So they struggle along, never
being really happy. It sure is a tough thing - breaking up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 01-31-2008 - 2:36pm

Welcome to the board kbouquet25,


If love was enough, none of us would be here.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-31-2008 - 4:58pm

Sorry to hear that--I know you had high hopes for this man.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2008
Thu, 01-31-2008 - 11:41pm

Your situation reminds me a lot of my own.. though my boyfriend

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2006
Sat, 02-02-2008 - 4:17pm

I have done it I have ended it. I have been sick all day. I love him so
much, but I just could not be happy too much of the time. I still know I
did the right thing. When you are with the person you tend to have this
vision of your future together, wonderful and perfect. It is hard to get
that out of your head.

Sleepydream: You sound so strong. You reconfirm my thoughts that it could
be a very long time until he is better. You are right though it seems like
they must be terrified of being hurt again, although they will not admit it.
I like you, will move on, but I too will have the thought in back of my head
that someday he will be "ready" for me. How can we help ourselves?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2008
Sat, 02-16-2008 - 10:09pm

Its good to hear that you've broken things off with him, but I know how hard that "grieving" process is. It was really difficult on Valentine's day.. as I work with all these women getting flowers and sweet stuff from their SO's...


You know, there's going to be times you get lonely w/o him. I've had no contact at all since we spoke on the phone Jan 29. But