Lurker with a story ... just need a hand
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| Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:28pm |
In August, my now ex-boyfriend and I moved in together a few miles away from his hometown, which is a few STATES away from mine. At first it was great...I keep thinking about the first night we spent together on the floor with no furniture, because it hadn't been delivered yet. I was just happy to be with the man I loved. Then things went downhill. It's a long story, but there was never any abuse, cheating, or anything. We are just not compatible people right now. We don't communicate well, and our life goals aren't similar enough (the fact that he doesn't have one is a problem). But anyway, that's okay. It's just how it is.
Except I really really love him, and wish he *could* be the right one... because I really thought he was; we had talked about marriage seriously, and he is certainly the *type* of person I could marry, but as I said, there are some fatal flaws that don't allow us to work, at least not right now. I initiated the break-up after months of being tired and worn down from the stress of trying to make things work. But in the end it was mutual. We broke up in early December.
Anyway, thanks to our living situation, we then had to live in our apartment together for a month afterwards. I know it was a horrible thing to do, a bad idea, but that was what we had to do. We stayed together (fought a lot) in our one-bedroom for the month. Then I found an apartment just in time, and moved. He moved in with a friend.
Problem is, we still work together. I am moving (AGAIN) shortly and will soon be far away, but due to the fact that I moved out my geographical comfort range to be with him and am now more or less stuck alone with no local friends, *and* the fact that we work together, we've attempted to stay friendly. For the most part, it's been okay. We've hung out/gone out a few times. Totally fine. No, seriously. Things seemed okay. He even helped me move. Things were okay. Or so I thought? He recently reintroduced himself to a friend from high school. Of course she's a girl. Now he "doesn't know" how he feels about her. I know he's confused, I am certain he has NO IDEA what he wants from her, friendship or more, except there is certainly an attraction. Predictably, our "friendliness" has suffered. In fact, he sort of dropped off the face of the earth for a couple weeks. Then I found out about it and we tried to talk about it. He certainly is confused. He says he still loves me, yada yada, okay fine. But he REALLY wants to stay friends. I don't really know why. He just does.
But I, of course, got really emotional about the new girl in his life because she is the polar opposite of me and I feel inadequate, and since then this stuff has come out: he wanted space and never got it, hated how I wanted to "talk" all the time, etc. etc. I really never knew any of this. He never talked to me.
I know what I have to do. I know I have to separate myself, at least more than we are separated now. I just need help keeping myself from calling, or when we do have to chat at work, I have to keep myself from asking him what he's been doing every night (i.e., has he hung out with her?). What do I tell myself to keep me from spilling my feelings to him all the time, and how do I keep myself from inquiring about his life?
He is a wonderful person and I do love him. I know what has to be done (this isn't my first break-up), I'm just having trouble doing it.
