Made it to 60 Days finally!
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| Fri, 08-03-2007 - 11:35am |
So after two failed tries of NC after my breakup of a 2 yr relationship, I finally made 60 days of NC - no calls, no texts, and no emails. I cant say it has been easy. What pushed me to really make it this time was that after the second time I broke NC via email to try and get some closure my ex completely ignored me (although I saw he read my email). That he did that really confirmed to me that he has cut me out of his life....and that I would just be humiliating myself to keep doing what I was doing. I printed out the absolutely excellent Zen of Doing Nothing Post and read it every time I had any urges, I also have written in my journal almost every day.
So where am I? Well, to be honest I am still pretty miserable unfortunately. Now is actually harder than right after the breakup because the shock is over and its hard adjusting to a life without someone you saw every day for 2 yrs. I miss him every second, and I will not deny that I still have false hope. I am most terrified of him calling engaged or with a pregnant girlfriend and I will have no one.
So given all that, having made the 60 day mark is huge for me, because despite everything else, 3 good things have come of it. First, I am regaining my pride/dignity. Second, I also have realized that every time you break NC, it sets you back, and I dont want to go back, I want to start feeling better! And third, I think it is true what is said in the Zen of Doing Nothing that guys cannot feel the loss of us from their lives if we are constantly breaking NC and "showing up" - and I want him to feel the loss of the best thing he ever had. Those 3 things are what is going to continue to drive me to maintain NC - besides having made it this far, why go back? My next goal is to make 60 more days, but be able to post that I am also doing better. Thanks to everyone on this board - I could not have done it without you!

That's great--good for you! I know what you mean about it feeling worse now though--when the initial shock has worn off and the finality is really sinking in. I think a lot of people think that there must be something wrong with them to feel worse at that point so I just want to reassure you that it's *normal*.
I think focusing on reaching acceptance at this point is a good idea. So, when you have thoughts about him and what could have been or whatever, re-focus your thoughts on the fact that he chose to end your relationship and therefore can't be right for you. It's kind of a variation on thought-stopping that I find very helpful.
Sheri
It gets easier as you go on. Or time starts to pass faster as you move farther along.
I think somebody once said that if you do something for 28 days, it becomes a habit. So if you get into the habit of NOT CALLING...then you'll be set.