In a major funk...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2007
In a major funk...
4
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 2:52pm
Man this has been so hard. I was with this guy for five years, he treated me like crap. But I am the only one to blame, I stuck around and made excuses for him. If you can name it, he did it. I am so disappointed with myself looking back at how I allowed him to treat me. I tried to work on things, but it was impossible because he refused to. He expected me to brush everything under the rug. It was so hard because once I was in a place where I felt I could forgive him, he would lie again. I never cared that he had female friends, I have guy friends, I am not that girl. He would lie about who he was hanging out with, and it brought up old feelings of when he was cheating. It followed the same behavior, so every single time it was like starting over again, I got so sick of it. The last time we hung out (almost three months ago) I cornered him and rehashed everything that he did to me and how it made me feel. This all came about mainly because he was finally truthful about something he lied about two weeks prior. Well anyway... He said he felt bad and that he did want to be with me. Everything afterwards was fine, the next day was great. So then we talked two days later and I then didnt hear from him after that. I ended up going up to where he lived because I was in the dark completely about why he was mad, I thought everything was worked out after the fight. He ended up telling me that he needed space and that I should know by now that he needed time to himself. He said he would call, but never did. He never called to breakup with me, not even a text or email. I feel like crap, we were together for five years and he could just brush me off so easily and treat me like someone he knew for two weeks. I am really depressed, I am in school and I work a lot, but nothing seems to get me out of this funk! I dont miss him anymore, I am just so hurt by how he treated me. I may end up running into him on friday and am really nervous about it. This just hurts. I hope one day he regrets how he ended things or even losing me. I was so good to him. Do they ever realize it? Anyone have a good strategy for me to keep my composure and get out of this funk? I dont know what to do anymore, nothing is seeming to work.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 3:54pm

I have a bit of

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 9:44pm
you are right. He probably never will get it, it just hurts to think that I was a joke to him, it was a big period of my life. I just am scared if I was to see him on friday. I dont miss him, but Im scared I will get upset about it and feel even worse than I do now. Because we were together for so long, we have a lot of the same friends. I have heard that he has already been in two relationships, that hurt, but I just wish I never knew. I think its strange to jump around like that after being with someone for so long. Atleast I am trying to deal with why things didnt work, he hasnt at all. Isnt he going to have a lot of baggage he carries into relationships? It will have to dawn on him that lying and cheating are not acceptable behaviors, I just want him to see that I was rational and got mad for a reason. I am so sick of thinking about him. Thats the thing, why do we always focus on the other person? I just talked about him through out this entire post, I want to break that. The biggest problem that I brought was that he became my life. Instead of complimenting my life like a healthy relationship should, I took on a much bigger role. In the end I realized that and am so scared because I am now seeing that I have no clue who I am. I should try counseling, Im on mild anxiety medicine right now because I get so stressed out and over-whelmed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2006
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 10:28pm
My fiance' and I broke up last Monday and he moved 1200 miles away back to his home state. I'm so devestated. I had trust issues with him becasue of him hiding 3 weeks of calls to his ex girlfriend about 3 months into our relationship & then the other day I overheard him say his cell password and just told him I knew it in a joking way. Well, he took my laptop and ran through the house with it so i couldn't look up his bill, changed his password by walking down the street on the phone so I couldn't hear it & when I got upset and called him "shady" and accused him of hiding something he called me a control freak. Then when i started yelling at him telling him if he had my password I wouldn't care because I have nothing to hid, he grabbed his video camera and started taping me saying I was psycho. SO, I threw a cup of water into the camera & his face. Then he showed the video to his kids.
I was pissed, and I ended up slapping him in the mouth & told him I wanted him out.
SO a few days later he left and not two days after he got home he had a myspace page with 4 different friends on there that are girls. I was devestated. He also owes me 700 for lending him the money to buy his kids their plane tickets to see him. During the incident with the video camera he told me I wasn't getting the money & stuck his tounge out at me & was laughing. Real mature for a 32 yr old. I went off & called him every name possible & ripped him apart like no one's business.
Now that he's gone I've been very depressed. I haven't been able to eat, sleep well at all, and I've been crying non stop for a week. I have no motivation and don't want to do anything.
He says all this is my fault & i did this. How can someone just leave like that & get on myspace & start talking to other women? I saw these women & they are desperate in their bathing suits at ages 36 & 40 talking about going to parties & drinking. One of the girls even wrote him on his page that she missed the friday night party & her ears were ringing & now she knows why. I am so hurt and then I get angry. He changed his phone number too. I thought he loved me and wanted to marry me. he gave me a 2.5 carot diamond for gods sake.
I feel like I don't know what to do & I'm so loney while he's off having a great time it looks like. I just feel like nothing and I did love him but I don't think he understood me or cared about how I felt. WHy push my buttons over a cell password? Why? I would never do that to him.
I knwo he's not coming back but part of me wants him to call and tell me he loves me and wants me & he's sorry. He's not a party person or a big drinker so I don't understand what's he's doing with these girls who all they talk about on their myspace pages are drinking and partying.
My thought have become obsessed and I can't deal with this. When he was nice he was so sweet, gentle, never went out, always lovable to me. But then there is the bad temper of his and how he always thought I was up to something which I wasn't and I always had to defend myself. He's making me believe this is all my fault. I just want him to see I'm a beautiful person inside & out. I'm not who he makes me out to be. How can someone be so self absorbed ant not care about the person who loved him? How can you walk around and act like you did nothing wrong?
I just need some encouraging words right now. I need help & lots of it to get over my anger that i was with someone who i always tried to convince I was a good, honest loving person who took responsibility for things I did but never could for what he did? I hate him for being so selfish and not understanding nor took responsibility for a thing
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 11:02pm
Im drawing blaNks too. I wish I could give you some advice. The only thing is that it does get better in time, I still hate hearing that myself. But its true. Thats the only thing that will get you through. This is really recent for you so I think the way you are feeling is normal, just learning how to supress the obsessive thoughts is a tough one though. I am getting there myself, somehow we all have to rediscover our identity. I lost that years ago, and the scariest thing is that now I have to learn enjoying simple tasks again and myself honestly. I think our self esteem has been bogged down and we have to learn how to build it up, that will help the most. One quote that really helps me is from a movie, " Beginnings are hard and ending are scary, but its whats in the middle that counts". I just hope that I get through this soon myself. I could not imagine being upset like this in a couple of months. Ive heard people say it takes half the time you were together to get over someone, if thats true I'm screwed!