In a major funk...
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In a major funk...
| Wed, 08-29-2007 - 2:52pm |
Man this has been so hard. I was with this guy for five years, he treated me like crap. But I am the only one to blame, I stuck around and made excuses for him. If you can name it, he did it. I am so disappointed with myself looking back at how I allowed him to treat me. I tried to work on things, but it was impossible because he refused to. He expected me to brush everything under the rug. It was so hard because once I was in a place where I felt I could forgive him, he would lie again. I never cared that he had female friends, I have guy friends, I am not that girl. He would lie about who he was hanging out with, and it brought up old feelings of when he was cheating. It followed the same behavior, so every single time it was like starting over again, I got so sick of it. The last time we hung out (almost three months ago) I cornered him and rehashed everything that he did to me and how it made me feel. This all came about mainly because he was finally truthful about something he lied about two weeks prior. Well anyway... He said he felt bad and that he did want to be with me. Everything afterwards was fine, the next day was great. So then we talked two days later and I then didnt hear from him after that. I ended up going up to where he lived because I was in the dark completely about why he was mad, I thought everything was worked out after the fight. He ended up telling me that he needed space and that I should know by now that he needed time to himself. He said he would call, but never did. He never called to breakup with me, not even a text or email. I feel like crap, we were together for five years and he could just brush me off so easily and treat me like someone he knew for two weeks. I am really depressed, I am in school and I work a lot, but nothing seems to get me out of this funk! I dont miss him anymore, I am just so hurt by how he treated me. I may end up running into him on friday and am really nervous about it. This just hurts. I hope one day he regrets how he ended things or even losing me. I was so good to him. Do they ever realize it? Anyone have a good strategy for me to keep my composure and get out of this funk? I dont know what to do anymore, nothing is seeming to work.

I have a bit of
I was pissed, and I ended up slapping him in the mouth & told him I wanted him out.
SO a few days later he left and not two days after he got home he had a myspace page with 4 different friends on there that are girls. I was devestated. He also owes me 700 for lending him the money to buy his kids their plane tickets to see him. During the incident with the video camera he told me I wasn't getting the money & stuck his tounge out at me & was laughing. Real mature for a 32 yr old. I went off & called him every name possible & ripped him apart like no one's business.
Now that he's gone I've been very depressed. I haven't been able to eat, sleep well at all, and I've been crying non stop for a week. I have no motivation and don't want to do anything.
He says all this is my fault & i did this. How can someone just leave like that & get on myspace & start talking to other women? I saw these women & they are desperate in their bathing suits at ages 36 & 40 talking about going to parties & drinking. One of the girls even wrote him on his page that she missed the friday night party & her ears were ringing & now she knows why. I am so hurt and then I get angry. He changed his phone number too. I thought he loved me and wanted to marry me. he gave me a 2.5 carot diamond for gods sake.
I feel like I don't know what to do & I'm so loney while he's off having a great time it looks like. I just feel like nothing and I did love him but I don't think he understood me or cared about how I felt. WHy push my buttons over a cell password? Why? I would never do that to him.
I knwo he's not coming back but part of me wants him to call and tell me he loves me and wants me & he's sorry. He's not a party person or a big drinker so I don't understand what's he's doing with these girls who all they talk about on their myspace pages are drinking and partying.
My thought have become obsessed and I can't deal with this. When he was nice he was so sweet, gentle, never went out, always lovable to me. But then there is the bad temper of his and how he always thought I was up to something which I wasn't and I always had to defend myself. He's making me believe this is all my fault. I just want him to see I'm a beautiful person inside & out. I'm not who he makes me out to be. How can someone be so self absorbed ant not care about the person who loved him? How can you walk around and act like you did nothing wrong?
I just need some encouraging words right now. I need help & lots of it to get over my anger that i was with someone who i always tried to convince I was a good, honest loving person who took responsibility for things I did but never could for what he did? I hate him for being so selfish and not understanding nor took responsibility for a thing