Major screwup?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Major screwup?
3
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 11:02am
So I was out at the bars the other night with all my friends. There were a lot of friends in town and it was a pretty good night. Well low and behold my ex walks into the bar. He hasn't been in town all summer and I havent seen or spoken with him in over 3 months. Plus it's been almost 5 months since the breakup. So while I am mostly better, don't cry or anything over him anymore, I am just still in the "I miss what we had and could of had" stage more than anything else. Well I was pretty tipsey at the bar, actually I was downright drunk and after talking to a few of our mutual friends I for whatever reason thought it was a good idea to go up to him, pat him on his back and say, " I'm glad you found someone so f'ing quickly."(He started dating someone a week after breaking up with me) Then I walked away. I later saw him and apologized quickly for acting like a 5yr and that I was sorry and didn't mean it. I guess I don't really know why I said any of it. Most of our mutual friends said they were glad I called him out on it but I just feel so immature now. I had been so good, not talking to him, contacting him or anything and now I feel like I gave him power, gave him the satisfaction that I'm not over him yet. Sure this is the only real setback I've had in the 5 months since the breakup but I feel that after 5 months I should be over this and not even give him the time of day. Any thoughts on this... I know its done and over with but I'd like to figure out some way to gain back the "power" I lost. I'm normally a strong, confident, independent woman as im sure many of your are and I just hate having setbacks like this, hate showing my weak side.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2006
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 11:35am
I think you get back the "power" by staying silent. I know how that feels - you feel like you have the upper hand and it only takes a second to lose it. But maybe it is good that you said something - just to let him know it was cr*ppy for him to move on so quickly. Then you apologized - and now you move on. It really could have been SO much worse!!! There are a lot of us out here that have a lot more to be embarrassed about :) I really wouldn't worry about it. Get a week or two between you and that incident and it won't seem like such a big deal. Is he still with the girl?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 11:46am
Yah your right it could have been a lot worse. He did say hey when he walked into the bar but I was trying to hard to just ignore him and not say anything so I didnt even acknowledge him until I had my little moment of weakeness...I probably should of been a grownup and said hey how are things but when your drinking you lose your rational clearly. Yah as far as I know he is still with the girl and all. I guess whats done is done. It just makes me angry because I was such a big person about the whole thing up until then. I never called him, emailed or anything, never asked for him to take me back. I just tried so hard to keep moving on and I see him and all the feelings come rushing back. Just hate feeling stupid.... Thanks for your reply though!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2006
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 2:19pm

I can COMPLETELY relate to what you're going through. I posted about it a couple weeks ago. I think I called the post "Throwing Up in My Mouth A Little."

Anyway, be PROUD of yourself that you didn't call him for three months! You still have the power! Just continue to do what you're doing and you'll get over him eventually. I hadn't seen my ex in a month and a half, and it took me two whole days to become normal again. I don't want to be with mine, either. He was also dating within two weeks of our breakup (she's kind of a toad, mind you). I kinda busted his balls when I saw him. But you know what? I don't really care about what he thinks. I have a trick when I start to worry about what he's doing or feeling: I just remember that he changed, that he's nothing like what he was during our relationship, and that I was interacting with the man I hoped he was, not who he actually is. Do what you need to do for yourself. If you need to be mean to him, do it. Doesn't matter in the long run. Just do what you need to do to make yourself feel better.

Hope this helps. Hang in there. Someone posted recently that you've made progress if you've had a setback. You've made progress. Good job.