Major setback

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2004
Major setback
3
Sun, 12-05-2004 - 9:42pm

Hi everyone,

I had a major set back this weekend. (For those of you who don't know me my boyfriend and I abruptly broke up last weekend when he left me hysterically crying in my room) I was out with my girlfriends having a great time when I had one too many and texted my ex..saying "can we talk." He responded right away saying he's in d.c. and asking if he can call me later. i said yes. he never called. I went slightly insane. I texted him twice after and I just called him saying i really wanted to talk and that i hated how things ended. The funniest part in all this that I got an email from his best friend saying the following : "Hi, heard you and Mr.X broke up.. you could do better sweetie" Isn't that insane? Now he's not calling me back and I feel like a major idiot for contacting him in the first place. I feel like I can't control my itchy fingers and I just can't possibly see a reason why he wouldn't return my call...I mean we broke up because he's confused about his life and doesn't know how he feels. He broke MY heart. What did I do? To top it all off.. my ex-boyfriend from over a year ago called me today and was telling about the girl he has fallen in love with in California. When it rains it pours. What do I do? How do I keep from entirely losing my sanity if he doesn't call me back.. which he probably will not. thanks for your support.
-sonjah

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2004
In reply to: sonjahms
Sun, 12-05-2004 - 10:12pm

Don't beat yourself up over this setback...

I've done the same thing many times and I'm sure a ton of people on this discussion board have as well. I know it sucks, but you're just going to have to accept that it was a mistake (and hopefully one that won't happen again!), and continue moving on. I had a relapse myself a few weeks ago...I texted my ex while I was out drinking with my friends and we went back & forth for awhile. But he eventually stopped responding and I was left wondering what had happened. I was really mad at myself for giving in and contacting him. But I wanted closure and I had thought he could possibly answer some questions for me.

I felt stupid when my ex stopped responding to me...and I still had some things to say to him. So for my own sake, I wrote him one last e-mail and got everything out of my system. I'm not saying you should do this because every situation is different...but it made me feel better. I'm not expecting to hear back from him and I told him that...I also told him to stop contacting me (of course, he still texted me the other week--but I never responded, yay!). It felt great finally being able to do that...I felt powerful. I didn't write that e-mail for HIM...I wrote it for ME.

I've come to realize that my ex will never be able to give me the answers, or the closure that I want. It's up to me...and it gets easier each day. Yes, there are still some bad moments when I feel really down/upset...but there are WAY more good moments. I feel a LOT better than I used to...time really does heal.

So forgive yourself for this mistake. If you really feel like you have stuff to say to him, then say it...but let that be it. I haven't contacted my ex since I wrote him that e-mail...I told him that he wouldn't be hearing from me again, and I didn't want to go back on my word and look foolish. Plus, if you saw my other post ("Yay...quick post"), then you know that I was out drinking this past weekend and managed to refrain myself from contacting him this time. I just have nothing to say to him now...and in a way it's sad, but it's time for me to let him go and move on with my life :) You should do the same with yours...good luck! <3

Avatar for alsatia23
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: sonjahms
Tue, 12-07-2004 - 1:16am

We all make mistakes.







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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
In reply to: sonjahms
Tue, 12-07-2004 - 4:12pm

As the others have posted, don't beat yourself up over it, just be aware of how you felt this past time afterwards and keep that as a reminder not do it again. I have been broken up with my ex for about two months, a week after our break up I left him a message saying I wanted to grab a beer and try to be friends (he swore he wanted to try and be friends and that he would miss hanging out with me), I honestly meant what I said but he never called me back. I haven't called him since nor has he and that was two months ago. Your ex probably won't call you back. It is like being rejected again so that is why my advice is to never call an ex, I felt like an idiot afterwards but now I don't care anymore and I haven't cared for a while.

When we were together my ex's friends and even his family all said how great they thought I was for him and how happy I made him, all of his friends told me they didn't like his other girlfriends. He even made a comment about how everyone loved me. Well, apparently that wasn't enough and he still gave me up. Some guys are idiots but they are doing us a favor by letting us go if they can't give when we need and deserve from them.