Major setback.. help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2004
Major setback.. help!
4
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 6:06pm
Ok I have written my story a few times but it basically goes like this. My BF and I of 4.5 years have been having problems recently becuase things were getting too routine for us and we got in a rut. We are only 23. We broke up but never stopped having contact because he said he wanted to try to make it work he just needed space.

After a few weeks of limited contact we started hanging out again and one night we got to talking. I asked him what was going on between us and he said that he has been feeling alot better about things lately. He said that he is not 100% but he considers me to be his girlfriend and that he does not want to see other people or anything like that. I took that as we were back together. Was I wrong? Is that totally off?

Well now its been a few weeks since then and everything has been very good and we are doing things like a couple would. TO make a long story short I was talking to him earlier and he made a comment jokingly like we always do and said "just break up with me then" and then he stopped and said "well wait we are already broken up so i guess u cant do that". I was like "WHAT? I didnt think we were still broken up". He got quiet and said that we never said things were back to that. He had to go so we didnt finish the convo and it got really awkward. I am so confused not to mention hurt as hell. I mean we have slept together a few times and everything and now to think that he thought this whole time we were broken up I feel devastated. Does anyone have any insight? Was I totally wrong to think we were back together? Please help. I feel like we are back at square one again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 6:37pm
He's the one who said he considers you his girlfriend and he doesn't want to date anyone else, so no you weren't wrong to assume that means you aren't broken up. I hope he didn't just say that to keep you hooked while he's off partying. Some people think it's easier on you if they let you think there's hope, but in the long run it isn't. You should ask him why he said that and exactly what he meant by it because he is definitely sending mixed messages. Sorry I can't help more but I'm not too good at giving advice and my relationship is a mess itself so you might not want to listen to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2004
Sat, 08-21-2004 - 11:05am
Many of my friends were also shocked when I told them what he said. THey feel I had planty of reason to believe we were together. We talked briefly and his attitude about it seemed so hurtful. Like "no way" as if he was SOOO clear about this. I feel like I am going through the breakup all over again. I feel like a fool and am really embarassed for myself. please help. :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Sat, 08-21-2004 - 11:26am
I'm sooo sorry you're going through this sweetie. I think you had every right to think you were back together with him saying he still sees you as his girlfriend. If he wants to be broken up maybe you should start acting like you're broken up...don't hang out with him or have any convos with him and if he asks why tell him "that's something a couple would do and you've made it clear that we are no longer a couple"....he'll either come to his senses and reinstate the relationship or he won't but chances are if he won't he had no intentions of ever getting back together and only wanted the couple benfits without the strings. Good luck and keep us posted.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2004
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 12:56am
well... we ended it. we are going to go our separate ways for a while. im devastated. this cant be real.