Man, this sucks!!
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| Sat, 06-11-2005 - 1:47am |
I was the one that ended the relationship. He was no good for me. He didn't work, we didn't want the same things out of life, he had major mood swings, I simply could not count on him.
So why on earth, after I've lived on my own for a month and a half, do I keep wondering where he is, what he's doing and who he's doing it with? I took him off my buddy list so i wouldn't have to see when he wasn't home (if he's home he's on IM).
It's all so frustrating!! I don't want to think about him!! I started moving on before he did, so why on earth would I care what he's doing? I mean, I suppose that the fact that the person I moved onto is currently out of the country (and will be for the next month -- ugh) and so I only have email contact occasionally. I'm hoping that when he gets back I won't be thinking about what the ex is doing on a friday night. But right now, when I'm sitting at home with my daughter at 10:30pm... that 's a different story. My mind keeps settling on THAT. Maybe that's it? Jealousy that he has freedom? I don't know.
I'm feeling weak right now. I'm feeling hurt again by his dismissal of our relationship. Yes, I left him, but I never cheapened what we shared. The last time I talked to him he told me that "we should have just slept together for a few months and called it quits". This after we had been together for nearly 3 years, we were engaged, and he told me often that if things didn't work out with me he didn't see the point in dating again, since they wouldn't be ME.
Is my pride just hurting? I don't know. I feel deceived though, and it's doing WONDERFUL things to my already present trust issues. Right now I just want to kick him.
What makes matters worse is that he owes me $1100. The stupid soft spot in my heart made me do it when he called saying he couldn't pay rent (but did he have a job? NO! The one he got he never showed up to!)
I'm so angry right now! I'm upset with myself for lending him that money, and for continuing to take care of him when that's the BIG reason I left in the first place. And I'm mad at him for asking me for the money when he KNEW there was no way I would say no. I just want to scream!!!

sounds like he has a lot of issues and has taken his upsettedness out on you. do you really need the money back? you could always just think of it as a charitable donation and just let him go for good. this guy wants to hurt you and the only way to do that is to be near you and talk to you. is it really worth it? you're probably upset because it was an important relationship. guys seems to move on more easily than women and we fear that it will take no time to replace us and it hurts and we think we want to know - but knowing only makes it hurt worse. i'd try to do whatever it takes to get this guy out of your head - you can do better and you knew what you were doing to end the relationship, so just try to celebrate his exit from your life and move on. he doesn't sound worth the tears if he's still after the relationsihp has ended upsetting you.
good luck!
The biggest hurdle right now to your recovery is the fact that you've not only had contact with him since you broke up, but you lent him money which keeps you tied in.
But what's done is done, all you can do now is change your behavior going forward. You need to stop all contact with him and let go of the idea that you will be paid back. If he's going to pay you back, he'll do so without further prodding from you (I assume he knows where to send the check).
You should also make a set of index cards and practice thought-stopping...I will try to find the post about that and bring it up to the top for you.
Sheri
Thought Stopping sounds like exactly what I need!
I've stopped contacting him.. he still calls every once in a while, but I don't answer the phone, and he doesn't leave messages.
I don't really NEED the money back, but I would like it back. I was going to use it to buy a sofa, and some power tools (I refinish furniture in my spare time). I'm pretty sure he'll pay me back, it was just short term until his financial aid from school came in this summer, but who knows how long that will take because they're waiting on his transcripts from an out of state school.
And yeah, he's knows wehre to send the check, so I don't need to talk to him anymore. My friends have been getting a LOT of 11pm phone calls! lol!