marry 1 u love or marry 1 who loves u?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2007
marry 1 u love or marry 1 who loves u?
21
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 4:13pm

I've posted here before about missing my ex even though I am engaged to a wonderful person. What helped a lot was looking at his recent pics on the internet and noticing that he is turning bald and looks 10 years older than he really is! That really turned me off and now I'm completely over him!!

However, I am still torn whether I should marry my fiance. My biological clock is ticking and this may be my last chance of happiness. I never looked for other guys while dating my ex, but I find myself constantly checking out other guys while I'm with fiance. My ex only had a BS degree and I didn't care because I loved him so much. However, fiance is working towards a MS degree, but I still feel that fiance is not good enough for me, possibly because I don't love him enough? I have a doctoral degree and multiple prestigious fellowships.

Fiance tells me everyday that he loves me. He would do anything for me and has proven it. He cooks for me and helps out with anything I ask him to. I can trust him 100%. He has a stable job and a home for us. Our wedding is in 5 months but I don't feel estatic that I'm marrying the love of my life. He was a rebound guy who loved me and made me happier than I've ever been. He showed me what love was all about, yet I feel like I settled for someone because I was lonely and everyone expected me to get married.

My question is, will my love grow with time? Recently, I've found a network of scholars who are in the same "league" as I am, but I don't know if I should pursue these relationships. I haven't talked to these guys yet because I don't want to cheat, but I keep asking myself, "what if?"

Does educational level really mean anything? Am I being too superficial?

Would you stay with someone who loves you truly and hope that your love would grow? Or would you take the chance to be with someone with a better degree and higher social class, even if that person may not treat you as well?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2005
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 11:32pm

If it is over between you and your ex...then leave it over, and move on for GOOD.

If you have a wonderful fiance, then devote yourself to him and you WILL be happy.

Holding onto that old relationship is what is making you unhappy.

I am much younger than you are, but am in a similar situation (or...I WAS until recently)

If he doesn't love you, if he doesn't want you...it's unhealthy to desire him. No matter WHAT his great attributes.

My ex was a gorgeous and sweet fireman with a college degree, amazing wit and charm...and a relaxed demeanor. My fiance is in the coast guard, with no degree, and is not sure what career path he wants...and he's got a temper just like i do, despite his devotion and hillarious jokes, and the way I feel at home with him.

But my ex does not love me, and my fiance DOES. I was wasting my time with my ex, and with my fiance, I am working toward a great future, enjoying myself along the way.

The answer is obvious.

If your fiance loves and desires you and wants to make you the happiest woman on earth, then let him do so. Forget your ex, and enjoy life with the man that loves you. Let yourself love him with all your heart and you will not be sorry.

Best Wishes!!!!!!

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