This may sound pathetic

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
This may sound pathetic
2
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 7:20pm

So my ex and I have been broken up for 3 months now after long 13 years of my life with him. He's 32 I'm 29. We lived together for 1 year and it wasn't such a great year together. His dad was dying of cancer and he started pulling away from me. I thought it had to do with his grief, but soon realized there was another girl. He moved out 2 weeks after his dad passed away, and then I find all kinds of info that he was talking to a girl from work... a calling card etc. It makes me so sick to think about them together.
For the first 2 months, I was so weak and tried to contact him all the time. I would even say I harrassed him and threatened him with things I know that would get a reaction from him. Now, I realize I just wanted him to say something, since he left saying he wasn't happy and fell out of love. That's it....nothing else after 13 years of a life together. I know how foolish I was during those first 2 months, and it probably made the situation so much worse. The 3rd month got a little better.

Here's the problem. We have a dog and I love this dog so much. He would bring him down once-twice a week which I was fine with for awhile. But when he picked him up, I just felt so bad again. I know seeing the dog was also a reason to see him. We didn't talk or anything when he dropped him off, but those are the days that I always looked forward to. Finally I said, I can't do this until I am better. I know I am not well in the mind yet to see him, but I truly love the dog. I know by seeing the dog and seeing him would set me back to day one.

Today is Day 7 of no contact......Which is a really big deal for me. I had heard his work christmas party was this weekend and I did okay this weekend. This was one of my better weekends. Until Sunday, when I know he comes back from his Girl's house and around where we live. I want to see the dog so much but I'm afraid it will set me back again. He's the one that decided to leave and take our dog away from our home. It also makes me sick that he takes the dog to the girl's house for the weekend. I know it's only a dog, but it was our family, it was like a child. He's more crazy about it than I am. Should I or Shouldn't I see the dog? What do you think?

I'm also going to start seeing a therapist next week too, which I think I definetly need. I should have gone at the beginning of the breakup when I was really crazy and bad, but things happen for reasons. I think I needed to deal with things the way I wanted to and then go from there. I probably wouldn't listen to anyone at that point in the break-up, but now I'm ready. I'm just so jealous of this other girl and I don't even know what she looks like. I wonder and wonder about them and what they have. And I know these issues need to end.

Me 31, DH27, married may2008 went off b/c at that time, no af, PCOS since 17.  MTHFR factor.  HSG clear, 1st round of clomid 100mg, 1000 mg Metforim late July 09,  Waiting to see if O'd. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2006
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 8:52pm

I'm so sorry, truly. You're heart broken and sick with the pain of losing so much of who you thought you were. Don't feel pathetic, everything you're feeling is very human, but you still need to make good choices. I'm in the process of ending a three year relationship. I was married once and have two children, but leaving the man that I've been in love with for three years has been really painful. He wasn't right for me and we were struggling, but I think about him EVERY day, every hour, but I don't call him, I don't e-mail or drive by his house. I have to stay away from him so that I can heal and move on. 13 years is a hell of a long time and your pain is real and it's not going to end quickly.

You're not going to like what I have to say, but you need to give up your dog or take the dog. It's a reason to see him and that keeps you from being able to heal. You keep picking at a scab and exposing the wound over and over again. It hurts and it will get infected if you don't leave it alone.

I stuggle every day with calling. My heart aches when I think of the happy times, but I have to let go and so do you sweetie. The best revenge is a life well lived. You need to focus completely on yourself and move forward even though it hurts like hell and you can't breathe sometimes. It's sort of amazing that a broken heart doesn't kill you, but it doesn't. Feel sad and angry. Cry and yell when ever you want. You have a right to that for as long as you need to in order to get through this, but don't surrender any more of yourself to him.

I too keep waiting for the big moment when he tells me what an idiot he's been, but you know something, it doesn't matter. You need to make room for yourself so that you can heal and be ready for when the right person does come along.

I think you need to tell him that he can keep the dog or leave the dog with you, but you need to move on. We are stonger than we think, we all are. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 1:37pm

Get another dog.

Myspace Codes