maybe if he's just without me for a whil
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| Sun, 04-09-2006 - 6:24pm |
ok this is going to be long but i just hope someone takes time to read it.
before i start ill just say that im probable way to young to be having this sort of problems but, i guess it happens at a differnt time for everyone.
i met this guy when i was in jr.high, he was in high school. so my parents wouldnt allow me to go out with him("date")we tried to anyways, via phone..but my parents just then tried to forbid me from talking to him period. for a while i did it anyways..it was a really juvinille relationship.but from the moment i met him there was an instant connection,like that nudge youd think you'd get when you meet the one you were made to be with. some stupid things happened and we stopped talking for about a year, i was in my last year of junior high and he was a junior in high school on differnt campuses so it was easy for me to forget about him. but come my sophmore year of high school(this year) the first time i laid eyes on him i felt that nudging,or tugging at my heart strings. i was reluctant to begin a relationship with him because he was what we call a "bad boy" he'd go to the races on weekends (cars--illegal)smoked, got drunk. stuff thati didnt do and didnt want to be represented by, by being with someone that did. So i guess we talked for a long while, this and thats would happen and id ignore him. but he would always come back and do better than the time before. once i was really sick for 5 days, missed 3 days of school and then the whole weekend..and he disappeared, meaning i didnt see or hear from him for 5 days.i called it QUITS then,even though we werent officially TOGETHER,i stopped speaking to him and he made me some little love things saying he missed me and that his heart was all mine or something...i rejected both of them right in front of him.i didnt have a problem making him suffer then you know because i got to see what it was doing to him-that he missed me.well, in december i guess we became an "item" and we were inseperable. some things happened inbetween but it wasnt anything we couldnt work through. one of his only flaws was that he had a habbit of not calling when he said he would which just happened to be a pet peave of mine.well about 2 weeks ago,..things with us were perfectly fine. well wednesday night i went to the movies with my three cousins..a girls night. it was different for me and him because normally we spend every day all day together, and love every moment of it.reluctantly he left.saying that he would call me when the movie was supposed to be over and come over to my house afterwards. (yes we loved beign together that much) well he called exactly when he had said he would but his phone died(he has this piece of crap phone that always dies)well he didnt call me until about 3am or something.i was furious yet half asleep he ended up saying that he'd call when he woke up then come over.well he showed up at my house at about 1:30pm(didnt call obviously, when he woke up) with his friend Jerry. my cousisn had stayed the night with me so they woke all of us up...he said that him and his friend were goign to eat, and i said thati was really hungry so he said "ill bring you something back!"..this was areally big deal to me because he had just recently ggotten a job that payed where he could buy things for me. he then decided that they would go eat at mine and his favorite resteraunt so he could bring me back our favorite(we had the same fav. there) well. he didnt bring me back any lunch.he didnt call for the rest of the day.or the next day for that matter.im sure i tried calling nonstop.i became worred.you see he was really stupid last summer and got a lot of speeding tickets and stuff like that,lost his lisence but was driving anyways now because he had to work.me and my mom have even been to court with him TWICE.my mom is a teacher at our school so she's been pretty involved in our relationship.plus he practically lived at my house.stayed the night often etc. anyways, so i became worried that he had gotten pulled over and thrown in prison. the next day Friday, im sure i tried calling all day.my cousins tried to put this new guy in front of me trying to take my mind off James(the guy im talking about)and i honestly tried.i "hooked up"with this guy 3 times.(reluctantly)friday night i was with my cousins and all these guys and one says "how come u arent on the phone with your boyfriend since he isnt here?" i say cause this is what happens when i try to call him(thinking the recording will come on, he doesnt have voicmail)and a girl answers.later i find out this wasnt anything to be alarmed about, but at the moment it happend...i broke down. imaganing him with another girl,doing things with another girl.my heart felt like it had just ran through a paper shredder.saturday i had an encounter with him,me and my cousins where driving trying to find his work so i could confront him and we end up running into him and chasin him on the highway for 30 minutes(how disfunctional???)saturday night was a blurr and sunday was sad.his "good friend"brandon started calling me while james and i werent talking, and told me that james told him that he couldc all me if he wanted because he didnt care.(prideful much??)so i was like okay whatever.brandon came to my house a few times(we didnt do anything i swear)it really hurt me to think that james didnt care that i was talking to other guys.buti was trying to deal.inside i was dying. i soon lost my appitite and didnt eat for days, i lost nearly 15lbs(went from 125ish-110)i cried all the time and i couldnt stop trying to call him.i missed him so much.and everything about my house reminded me of him.another reason it hurt so much was that i did had alot of "first times"with him.we never had sex,though we were very close at the time all this happened.i still felt so close to him because i had let closer to me in ways i had never trusted anyone before.and everything we did happened right here in my home on my couch,so everytime i sat on that couch i rememebred and missed everything.we watched a milion movies togethr on that couch,eating pizza cookies or brownies id make him. i missed his arms aroudn me and him telling me i was his baby or that he loved me more than i would ever know.hearing him say these things meant so much to me especially because he'd say them out of nowhere.which told me he meant it.i missed him stayin the night at my house when he had to go to work the next morning and me making him lunch at 2am so he'd have something to eat.i missed us falling asleep together watching LIFETIME (television for women anyone know of it??)if you do then yuo now that a guy must really love you to watch it with you.i felt like what was happening was NOT supposed to happen that way.i just wanted him to know what exactly he was losing. My mom calls him a pinball because he seems to get in these stages i gues you could say wher he feel like he needs to take off and do his own thing but then he realized that he screwed up but this..then that. dont get me wrong things hadnt been that way for the 4 months we were together.and right before it all happened he had been doing GREAT.calling on time being places on time etc etc.its like all of a sudden poof he was someone else for a few days. WELL i stayed home from school on monday becausei wasnt feeling well(duh). he called me at about 11:45am and my heart i swear leaped out of my chest.(he has his own ring tone,and i felt like i hadnt heard it in years)i answerd and he wanted to know why i wasnt at school i told him and he said well im doin (whatever) let me call you when i get back. i said ok wel i was gonna see if you wanted to come by since moms at school..so we can talk. and he says "..we'll..we'll see" i say ok(in a whatever way) and then he pauses an says "i love you" i felt a smile come on my face taking me back 4 days to when we were still us and said "i love you too" and we got off the phone.well he didnt come over to talk while my mom was gone,in fact he didnt call until about 11pm that night. of course when he did call i jumped and answered the phone.he had called from his cell phone and asked to call back on the house phone.we talked until 3am.i had written something to him on the computer and printed it off..for me to keep.he asked me to read it to him when i said osmehing about it so i did. and he ended up crying.i have NEVER heard him cry before or seen or heard of.this is the kind of guy thats got so many scars you wouldnt believe,tongue pierced,eyebrow...doESNT CRY.it made me so happy to hear him cry, for us to sit there and cry together.because i knew that i meant something to him. he cried while teling me how much he missed me. how said while crying "i want you back so bad" my heart was melting.while crying too he told me how he missed watching movies on my couch with me,how he missed me cookies and brownies and ordering pizza.listing all the things i had missedd too. first thing he said when we started to talk was"you were right" i said what?? and he said"you always said iw ouldnt know whati had until i lost it,you were right" he never could come up with a reason for waht he did. he said he flat out wasnt thinking.that he went out at night and got drunk, thought it would help him not think about it but that he had felt so lonely. i asked what made him finally decide to call and he said "ive been so lonely without you.and i coudlnt keep on knowing that i was hurting the person i love the most"i made it clear that we werent together and that if we did get back together id have to be after some major earning back on his part.like that it would take a while.and he was more than willing and assured me that that was the last time he would do something like that to me. well this was last week. and monday(especially) he did GREAT.my mom was N-O GO on us getting back together but i knew that if hekept up the way he was doing she wouldnt have a choice but to allow it. he was calling all the time and everytime we got off thephone even if it was only for a bit he would say " i love you so much sweetheart"i mean we always said i love you everytime we talked and even when we were together he'd just randomely said i love you.so tuesday(the day after our talk)at school he came down to the parking lot....oh yeah, he got droppedfrom school a few months ago for absences..his grandmother who he live with was in the hospital for a while and he had to stay with her and for recovery..our school has no remorse. so he came to see me i snuck down there at lunch to seehim. and the second my butt sat in the passanger seat he grabbed me and held me so tightly, without even letting me shut the door behind me....the night before when we had talked whiel crying he had said"i think if i got the chance to hug you right now, i would never let go". and he did just that he wouldnt let me go until i had to make him so i could shut the door so we woulnt get caught. we sat and looked into each others eyes for a minute then we just kissed.nothing sexy or slobbery.just a long hard kiss.a kiss you give someone you've missed more than words can say.then he held em again and said "im so sorry..im so sorry" we pretty much only spoke with our eyes.that day i was so happy.wednesday and thursday werent so great...he called a little less each day..but things were still okay.thursday he was supposed to come to church with me and said he was that day,it was one of the requirements my mom had given in order to allow me to see him was if we went to church too.well i couldnt even get a hold of him until AFTER church..oh how convinient.and he said he had been making money by driving a car to a dealership for his friends dad.i was like whatever SURE then he came to see me at Wendys and we talked.i told him about me and the other guy i hookedup with..he became furious.oh and i forgot to mention how that night we talked forever that he had told me how much he had HATEd me talking to his friend Brandon...that he had just told brandon he didnt care but that it really made him furious.anyways so i got home from visiting him at about 11.and recently my stepdad wont let me talk on the phone after 10pm on school nights so i told him id cal him in the morning.Friday was the next day,which would have been out 4 month anniversary(seems short i know but we spent eVERY day of those months TOGETHER)me and my mom were having a big garage sale saturday and he had said he would come and help set up on friday..but that he had to leave at 7:30 because he and his friend jerry had paid and signed upfor a pool tourn.previously and he couldnt just ditch his frriend who didnt have someone else to partner with..and plus that he had paid. i tried to be understanding even though i thought that he ditched me for enough days that he could DITCH a stupid friend but i said ok.well he got to my house at like...7:10 or something so wow he gets to stay 20 minutes THANKS FOR FITTING ME INTO YOUR SCHEDULE. i actually said that to him when he got there and that made him really mad but hey truth hurts. he had his friend Jerry with him which made me kinda mad because it was our WOULDVE been anniversary and i wanted a few moments of me and just him.well things with james and my mom were not good...cause he hasnt talked to her yet..so she was still on the warpath for what he did.so things were awkward but anyways.he had told me that if i let him go to that thing that night that he would be there at the garage sale at 8am...which i knew that he had just said that to make me happy but i said ok.well before he left my hose at 7:30 he said he would call and i said call ..when?? and he said that he would call when he got to the pool thing and in the middle of the tourn .and i said you promise?he said I PROMISE!so i was relieved..i asked where they were goin and he said that first they were going to get their other friend nick to come so that he could charge his phone in his car b/c he didnt have the cigarette lighter thing in his that u plug it into..(so that he could call me)i said okay.and he says that he will come back over when he gets back because i told him we would be up all night gettin ready for the sale and he says ILL BE HERE!!...well..he didnt call didnt call..i tried to call tried to call..phone was deadd deadd....he calls me at 3am. my mom hears him call and she comes over and takes the phone and says do you kno what time it is??no ones up to any good coming home at this time! blah blah blah..make this convo short..blah blah. i get mad at him for callin so late and he said nick wouldnt come so he couldnt charge his phone.i continue to get mad then he gets mad that i am getting mad becuase he said he couldnt help it buti say that he could have used SOMEONE ELSE'S ..its 2006 everyone has a freaking cell phone!!!anyways though i get over it,and he says to call him at like 10 and i am like what no u said you'd be here at 8am if i let you go out and he says well i didnt know the thing was goin to last that long and i need some sleep! so i say ok ill call you at 9 at the latest and he's like ok.so i fall back asleep and my mom wakes me up at like 6:30..i call james at like 7:45 n he refuses to get up.so i say ill call at 8:30...still refuses...i tell him its the least he could do after not even showing last night.he still says no.i call like at 9:15 and he says to let him call when he wakes up and im like uhh no it wil be over by then. so i say ill let you go back to sleep if u tell me if i call at 10 that you'll get up. after a long time of him like falling asleep on the phone i finally get him to say OK~!!! and we get off the phone. well i figured id give until 10:15 out of love(lol) well he doesnt answer.at 10:30,and 11 i figure he is sleeping and not answering/hearing the phone...cause he's done that before(heavy sleeper) 11:30 and 12 rolls around and my moms saying "what a keeper.he doesnt care kayli or he'd have been here.suprise,suprise" pretty much saying i TOLD YOU SO.and i keep making excuses for him and blah blah...i dont hear from him all day. i cry alone all day long.calling and calling and calling.finally i got ahold of his grandma at their house at about 2:30 and she says that she's been gone most of the day and that he was there when she left but that his cars there and that one of his friend must have came and picked him up (he has no money for gas)i also didnt mention that in the time we werent speaking he lost his job.(thats what happens to his life when im not around.)anyways so i am just so pissed off that he didnt even call.much less show up.first im irrate. and then as it became later and later in the day...hoping and hoping that he was going to show up or call.i fell apart again.and it was so easy because i wasnt even healed from the weekend before when the same crap had happened! its like all of a sudden he's back to how he was before we started going out!and im wondering what happend to him calling me crying?is it going to have to take us not seeing each other for 4 days for him to realize something. does he think that he can just take a vacatoin from having to worry abou anything..work...court stuff.....& that ill just be here waiting when he is done living his little immature pinball life he lived before he and i were together? i got ahold of him finally at like 4:30 yesterday and i said "what do you have to say" and he jut says "im eating right nowill call you in a minute" and hangs up. which is not like him. the day before he was saying i love you on the phone.im wondering if he's heard something and is mad at me.im not sure..i dont think he would do this again for no reason after last time.i just want to talk to him and know!!he never called back yesterday and im not going to wait up for a call today.i guess i am waiting up but im not expecting it. longing for it maybe but not expecting. you know me and him used to have such deep conversations with each other.he told me once that he had this feeling for me that he knew was different and i asked what and he said he couldnt explain it but he just knew i was the one he was supposed to spend his life with. we used to talk about how our kids would be..how we'd raise them..how he wanted me to get to stay at home while he worked. how he was going to cook dinner because i cant cook...etc etc. i know in my heart that he is infact the person God made me for. we are like two puzzle pieces.im just hoping that this is some sort of stage...of him fighting maturing. he needs to grow up so badly.(!!!) his friends dont help any.when we were together they would always call him whipped but he always said he didnt care and that he liked it,becaues he knew that i only wanted to know where he was and stuff because i cared.which was the truth.and he said he knew that he didnt have anyone else in his life that cared for him like i do(he has no parents..well he does but they dont give a crap about him) and all that was true and i was so glad we were on the same page with that. but now i bet his friends are tellin him he doesnt need anyone to answer to he's 19 years old he should be able to go and do as he pleases without having to make a phonecall or have to be anywhere at any certain time. thats the kind of immature jackass friends he has. im wondering if he'll call tonight or if itll take a few days again and then he'll call crying. im thinking about not answering.but i dont know how i cant..when all i want to do is hear his voice..hear him explain.and for us to go back to how things where.i know i am young and that things might still work out in the future but i just cant see myself with anyone else. ive tried forcing myself on someone else to like them even trying to force myself to become attracted to someone else and it just doesnt work. i pray that this is a stupid phase.of him living out something before he gets really serious about us.kind of like old men and their midlife crises i guess. i dont know. maybe he just needs longer than four days(even though they felt like years..)away from me to realize that what we have is real. and that the races and his buddies arent whats going to last for the rest of this life.....who can help me?
p.s. he never even really broke up with me. just went A-wall.
Edited 4/9/2006 6:26 pm ET by knj06

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. You seem like a very responsible, mature person and he is the opposite. Unfortunately we can not always chose whom we love. I don't doubt how much you love him and I also don't doubt that he loves you. However I don't think at this point in his life he is able to be the man you deserve. You've already told him what you needed (simply calling and fulfilling his commitments to you)and within a week he's already not making an effort. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do except STOP CALLING HIM. He needs to make the changes and prove himself to you if this relationship is to continue. And that doesn't mean for one day or week, it needs to be ongoing. I'm not against speaking to him if he calls but I highly suggest for you to not contact him. By calling him all it says to him is that he can treat you like this and you will always be there for him, and then things will only get worse.
I know this doesn't make the pain go away but you are young and you deserve to be treated so much better.
PS - Don't try forcing yourself to like someone else. It will only make you miss him more. Time heals. You don't need to have some other guy right away, you have your friends, cousins, mom, this board, and most importantly you, take time.
thank you so much for the advice!! i liked yours the best because everyone else was very negative about him..that he never loved me or anything...when i know that isnt true. i stopped calling him sunday, the day i posted that in the first place. so if he calls...you dont think i shoudl ignore his calls like he did mine ??? i mean a huge part of me CANT WAIT to hit the "IGNORE' button on my cell but another part of me is saying that if thats not what i want in return then i shouldnt do it. i dont know....so u think i should not call..(i didnt plan on it!!)...and if he calls...see what he has to say ?
to my suprise after reading all the responses....this peace just swept over me and i havent felt any pain since. i mean yes...certain things make me miss the good times we had....miss his kisses,hugs,calls, i love yous. all those things but, i know that he is going to miss me much more, because he isnt going to find any other girl that is going to be willing to put up with all that i did.
and at first i did make the mistake of trying to force myself to like someone else. and it felt so wrong! i guess because i had thought he had cheated on me,....even though i had no proof and hadnt heard that he did..i just suspected he had left cause he met someone else..which ended up not beign the case but..idk i guess i thought two wrongs made a right but now i just feel like i need to stand on my own two feet for a while.
ive depended on him for my happiness for a long time and i think this is a good time for me to be happy, with me.
thank you so much for your words <33