me again : (

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
me again : (
4
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 9:43am
Hi all - Thanks for all the support. I'm still struggling and still having a hard time believing everyone that says it WILL get better. I feel so sure I'm that one exception that does NOT! I know that sounds crazy but when the pain is just so unbearable you don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. Can't even see the tunnel : ( I'm Catholic and believe in God and even tried to give up "grieving" for lent but that's not going so well either : ( People talk to me but it's as if I'm not even really hearing what they're saying, just nodding my head because I think that's what I'm supposed to do. This is so hard.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
In reply to: ka1964
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 9:53am

Hi there,
First of all, don't try giving up grieving for Lent! ha. That's too hard and not healthy... you do have to grieve (my therapist told me so... it's just part of the process). So don't beat yourself up over that.

I know how you're feeling regarding hearing what people are saying but not really 'absorbing' it.... in time the more you hear their advice, the more you tell yourself they are right, it will start to sink in. It may not feel like it now, but trust us here, it takes time and it is a slow and painful process but it will. You will start to believe these things for yourself.

I'm not sure if your man will fall into this category (I think I remember your story), but a book I've read 2x (2 different guys/relationships) is "Men Who Can't Love". It is great... like I said, not sure if you will find parts perfect for your situation, but there are pages I could point to and say that's exactly how my ex was. It really helped me see it was him, not me, that does not know what he wants and explained his behavior.

hang in there!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2005
In reply to: ka1964
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 11:59am

I just wanted to let you know some more about the book shadow mentioned... There is a link to amazon.com on our board website and I know you can buy the book used for like 50 cents, and it's a worthwhile investment.

Nikki
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ka1964
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 12:05pm

I agree with the book recommendation, but I would also recommend reading "He's Scared, She's Scared" by the same author (Steven Carter). He wrote it after "Men Who Can't Love" as he realized the first book didn't go far enough to examine the issues.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
In reply to: ka1964
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 1:03pm

YOU MIGHT WANT/CONSIDERED READING THIS ESP THE VERY LAST END PARAGRAPH

Dear Lord,
I thank You for this day. I thank You for
my being able to see and to hear this morning. I'm
blessed because You are a forgiving God and an
understanding God. You have done so much for
me and
You keep on blessing me. Forgive me this day for
everything I have done, said or thought that was
not
pleasing to you.

I ask now for Your forgiveness. Please keep me
safe
from all danger and harm. Help me to start this
day
with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me
make the best of each and every day to clear my
mind
so that I can hear from You. Please broaden my
mind
that I can accept all things. Let me not whine and
whimper over things I have no control over. And
It's
the best response when I'm pushed beyond my
limits.

I know that when I can't pray, You listen to my
heart. Continue to use me to do Your will.
Continue to
bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep
me
strong that I may help the weak... Keep me
uplifted
that I may have words of encouragement for
others. I
pray for those that are lost and can't f ind their
way. I pray for those that are misjudged and
misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know
You
intimately. I pray for
those that will delete this without sharing it with
others. I pray for those that don't believe.

But I thank you that I believe. I believe that God
changes people and God changes things. I pray
for all
my sisters and brothers. For each and every family
member in their households. I pray for peace, love
and
joy in their homes that they are out of debt and all
their ! needs are met. I pray that every eye that
reads this knows there is no problem,
circumstance, or
situation greater than God. Every battle is in Your
hands for You to fight. I pray that these words be
received into the hearts of every eye that sees it.

God I love you and I need you, come into my heart,
please. Pass this message. Know that you are
already
blessed by the person who sent this to you.

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>GOD will never leave you EMPTY,
he will REPLACE everything you've LOST.
If he asks you to put something DOWN,
it's because HE wants YOU to PICK-UP
something GREATER