Men Suck

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2005
Men Suck
2
Wed, 07-27-2005 - 10:59am

I have been dating the same guy for 3 years. We work great together, we enjoy a lot of the same things such as motorcycle riding, watching movies, etc. For the past couple of months things have been somewhat shacky. I caught a female "friend" of his sleeping over at his house. I approached him about it and he said she was to tired to drive home (mind you home is about 15 minutes away from my BF apartment). He did sleep on the couch that night (yes I know this for a fact I saw it with my own eyes) but its still the principle. I asked him not to do anything with this girl anymore and he was upset because I was telling him who he could be friends with yet I was seeing how this girl was and trying to "steal" my BF.

Anyways, things got much better, it appeared he was no longer doing things with her. Spending more time with me etc. Well on Saturday I had asked my BF to go to my sisters new camp to see it and he didn't want to go. He said he needed to finish cleaning his apartment and than wanted to go motorcycle riding and that we would do something tomorrow. I said that was fine and I'd call him when I got home. Well Sunday I was over at his apartment and just had a bad feeling. I did something I shouldn't have done, I looked in his cellphone at his text messages. Wouldn't you know it, he had been text messageing this girl A LOT! Not only that I relized he had taken her motorcycle riding with him.

Needless to say I was hot. I approached him about it and he got pisses saying he didn't tell me about going riding with her because he knew I'd be pisses (well duhh your choosing to spend time with another girl instead of me). So Sunday afternoon we broke up. After a lot of crying and yelling and stuff I'm moving on. However, now he tells me that he's in love with me (which before he had never been able to answer the question do you love me or are you IN love with me). He wants to go to dinner tonight, not real sure why and I agreed (stupid me) just not sure what type of attitude I should go with.

Any advice?????

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
In reply to: red_bomb_shell
Wed, 07-27-2005 - 3:27pm

Hi bomb shell, this is a tough one! First off, hugs to you sweetie!! Oh why do they complicate things so much? IT is frustrating, but if they rolled over and gave us everything we wanted, we would probably still not be satisfied, lol. So do you trust him completely? Do you love him? It's her that you don't trust. Maybe you could tell him that, and share that the closeness and hidden agendas are making you uncomfortable, and is making a rift between you, that your not sure you can look past. IF you trust him completely, than express your concern over her intentions but let it go until he gives you reason to believe he's lying.... or ... if you are not sure anymore and very jealous and it causes you to mistrust everything about you and your relationship, than you have lost a key ingredient to a healthy relationship already >trust<. If he can't try and see why you are worried and upset and be willing to rectify the situation than what choice do you have? I hope he realizes how hurt you are and takes your concerns seriously... IMO Give him a chance to change some things, or maybe invite you along with her so there is no question??? Just an idea, but if you do love him and trust him, than as tough as it is, bite your lip and see if he comes through for you. Do pay attention to your gut instinct and women's intuitiion, but with caution, because he might just be havin a really oblivious stupid guy moment and not realize this chic's intentions.... or not, let me know how it goes. Hope I made some sense?? Good Luck

Grace

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
In reply to: red_bomb_shell
Wed, 07-27-2005 - 3:45pm

Pianoguy...GRAIN OF SALT... k? Both sexes can be difficult, agree? She wasn't trying to be politically or sexually correct, she was upset! not at you (well not at first, lol) so read her feelings, her hurt and comment if you like. Don't take it so personally.

And although I'm so glad men do post on here, if you think about it, ivillage is primarily a womens site correct? She didn't mean to offend you man. And when I go to Askmen.com and I see "women,hmph! can't live with em" stuff, well, I smile and agree. like I said, grain of salt.

Grace