Messed up even more now...please help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Messed up even more now...please help!
1
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 10:36am

This is long, but there is a very important question at the end.

Okay, so I've been posting about this and really trying to follow through with what everyone was saying. But, this Saturday, my ex and I were both in the library all day. (Law School). We talked a few times throughout the day. So about 7:00, he came to where I was sitting and asked if I wanted to go grab a bite to eat. We had gone to lunch a few days before. So, I thought sure it will be harmless, and maybe we can actually be friends. Well he still does flirt and act jealous, and I try not to do the same even though I am the one with stronger feelings obviously.

So, we went to dinner and both went back to the library and said good night. Well I left and went to a friends house nearby where I had a few glasses of wine. Well he called and we were chatting about bball and I invited him over to watch. So, he came over, I was a little tipsy for sure and he wasnt. Then he and I went out for a couple drinks and then of course he spent the night. I mean I knew what I was doing, and dont think it is that big of a deal. I also know he's getting exactly wants and I am not.

But, what I don't understand is why he still acts like he cares so much. I can see it in his eyes. And, the next day, yesterday night, before bed we talked for 30 minutes about everyday stuff. But, I was saying how us hanging out what wrong and he was just like oh it happens all the time. Then he said but I really have so much fun with you still. And, I know we have amazing chemistry and a great time together. I just don't see what's missing.

Well since I am about to graduate and move away and he has 2 years left here. I'm thinking of just clarifying with him one last time. Specifically I want to ask him, look before I go home this week and sign a lease and all of that, are you sure this is what you want??? I feel like I just need to clarify this, and hear it myself. But, then I'm afraid he wont really tell the truth. Like, I want to know what it is that he cant see about us. He only says he doesnt want a relationship right now, and believe me he acts that way too.

So, would this be a bad idea to ask him and try to clarify it once and for all before I move away and there is no chance????

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 9:20pm
I know it hurts to be so close to him and not being able to "be with him" but he's made his decision for whatever reason and you've said so yourself that he says and acts like he doesn't want a relationship right now...I think you're going to have to belive what he says and not try to make it into something else.
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