Million Dollar Question....Am I Wasting My Time?????
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|Wed, 03-06-2013 - 9:00pm|
I am 29. Boyfriend is 33. We have been together for 2 years, living together for one and I have a 7 year old son (from a previous relationship).
Before we moved in together, I asked the typical "do you ever want to get married? Kids? How many?" yada yada yada. Thought we were on the same page. I told him that I wanted to be engaged within a year and a half of living together (we will be together over 3 years by then) and married around a year later. He said he thought that was a good timeline. Fast forward a year, not only do we not even talk about getting engaged, we don't talk about getting married, kids, future, nothing. It just isn't brought up.
We got into a huge fight the other day. I asked him if he saw himself proposing to me in the next 6 months to a year (an extra 6 months from original timeline) and he said he "wasn't ready" and "doesn't know when he will be." He swore that he loves me, wants to be with me and "as long as everything goes well" that he "could see himself proposing" but isn't sure when. I flat out told him that if he couldn't flat out say "yes, I want to marry you one day", that I was wasting my time. It caused a huge fight. Later that night, he said that he could "see himself marrying me one day and loved me". That was the end of the conversation and it hasn't been brought up since.
Ever since, I have had some major second thoughts about this relationship. Honestly, he needs to grow the eff up! He is 33 years old and sits at home on days off from work playing Call Of Duty for hours, sleeping on the couch and being lazy. He works as a cook at a restaurant with NO beneifts or insurance and has no intention on finding a better job. His bills are always late b/c he "forgets" the due dates. I actually figure out how much he owes me (we split rent and utilties), write the checks, mail them and make sure its all taken care of. I also buy pretty much ALL of the groceries. I clean the house (he helps maybe once a week), cook EVERY meal, take care of my son, work part time AND go to college. He works 35 hours a week and the rest of the time, plays games and watches movies. The problem is that up until recently, these things didn't bother me and I told him that they didn't. But now that I am ready to settle down (and he obvisouly is not), they do bother me. A LOT.
Another problem? My son (whose father is not involved and hasn't been for a couple of years), has been wanting to call my bf dad since a year ago. He won't let him. I understand that it is a big deal but he told him "I will be like a dad to you but it's too soon to call me dad." Okay...it's been 2 years and if he saw a future with us a family, then why is it a problem?!?!?! It breaks my heart b/c my son asks once a week when he can call him dad. All my bf says is "it's just too soon. I don't know what to say." He grew up calling his step dad "dad" and still does to this day. Shouldn't he understand?!?! He also doesn't "connect" with my son. The only thing he does do interact with him is play (age appropriate) video games. No legos, board games, coloring, unless I suggest it. He expects way too much of him too. He is 7. He pees on the seat, whines and occasionaly talks back. Welcome to parenting! But he just can't seem to let anything go! He is constantely complaining and "talking to" my son about everything he does wrong. He is a VERY negative person. If it's not one thing, it's another. However, my son still loves him and wants to call him dad.
Despite all the complaining, I still love him and would love for this to work out. His family LOVES my son and I both. My bf mom has my son calling her grandma (SO CUTE!). Even she doesn't understand what his deal is and why he isn't ready!!!!
Am I wasting my time??????? ADVICE PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!