miserable and helpless

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
miserable and helpless
2
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 10:52am

Hi everyone. I am so glad I'm posting here maybe you guys can help me. I've been in a realtionship for about a year with a guy who doesn't want to commit. I know I'm selling myself short because I want and deserve more, but for the life of me I cannot say no to him and he calls me literally every day to hang out!

For the first time this weekend though he called me when I got back from my Thanksgiving vacation and told me he would call back later and he never called. This was highly unusual for him and I knew something had to be up. He called the next day and like a fool I hung out with him. He apologized several times for not calling and said he was busy with family and holiday stuff, but I know he was probably with another girl because at the very least he could have texted me goodnight even if he was busy and said "i'll call you tomorrow."

Anyway my problem is I find myself wanting to accept his lie and let him off the hook. My head is screaming at me "kick him to the curb, he hurt you!" I don't understand why I'm letting myself be used and lied to this way. I'm an intelligent beautiful woman and this guy has some kind of sick vice grip on me. I want to get rid of him and yet I for some sick reason am addicted to the attention he gives me. How do I end this? I feel so low I feel like he's laughing at my spineless behavior even though he's not, he's just doing what he can get away with. I've tried to end it so many times and I always end up caving in when he gives me the slightest reassurance. Please advise!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 12:19pm

o.k. first off, if he's been good about calling you for a year and has only made this rare mistake, you need to simmer down. Holidays really are a busy time and with many relatives around, there are more distractions. He apologized, what more does he have to do to make up for this simple mistake? You say you KNOW he was with another girl. Where is your evidence? If you have hard facts, fine, kick him to the curb, but it doesn't sound like you do. Be very careful that you don't allow unsupported suspicions coupled with your own lack of self-esteem to cause a self-fulfilling prophesy! Who would want to continue to be in a relationship with a person who can't trust, assumes the worst at the least provocation and is overly controlling?

Perhaps you just didn't give enough information in your post. Does this guy have a reputation for poor behavior with women? Have you observed flirtatious behavior on his part toward other females? Or, are there other unexplained situations like mysterious phone calls, e-mails, etc? By all means, if he is screwing around, get out of the relationship today. It will be very difficult at first, but the pain does taper off then end, if you maintain no contact. You might want to read the book "Why Men Love Bitches" I think you would benefit from the information there. You can get it at your library or bookstore. Good luck...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 10:51pm
Are you absolutely sure that he was with another girl instead of with family?? There is a small possiblilty he could have been telling the truth but that you jumped to conclusions. But if he was lying and if you do really want to get him out of your life then you need to end it and the best way to make it stick is to end all contact with him....I know it's hard but sometimes it's t he only way. Tell him you don't want him calling anymore and if that doesn't work change your number and get it unlisted and block him from e-mail and messengers. And then stay busy....hang out with friends, go do things you enjoy normally and try not to think about him too much. Good luck and keep us posted!!











Photobucket