miserable and helpless
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| Mon, 11-29-2004 - 10:52am |
Hi everyone. I am so glad I'm posting here maybe you guys can help me. I've been in a realtionship for about a year with a guy who doesn't want to commit. I know I'm selling myself short because I want and deserve more, but for the life of me I cannot say no to him and he calls me literally every day to hang out!
For the first time this weekend though he called me when I got back from my Thanksgiving vacation and told me he would call back later and he never called. This was highly unusual for him and I knew something had to be up. He called the next day and like a fool I hung out with him. He apologized several times for not calling and said he was busy with family and holiday stuff, but I know he was probably with another girl because at the very least he could have texted me goodnight even if he was busy and said "i'll call you tomorrow."
Anyway my problem is I find myself wanting to accept his lie and let him off the hook. My head is screaming at me "kick him to the curb, he hurt you!" I don't understand why I'm letting myself be used and lied to this way. I'm an intelligent beautiful woman and this guy has some kind of sick vice grip on me. I want to get rid of him and yet I for some sick reason am addicted to the attention he gives me. How do I end this? I feel so low I feel like he's laughing at my spineless behavior even though he's not, he's just doing what he can get away with. I've tried to end it so many times and I always end up caving in when he gives me the slightest reassurance. Please advise!

o.k. first off, if he's been good about calling you for a year and has only made this rare mistake, you need to simmer down. Holidays really are a busy time and with many relatives around, there are more distractions. He apologized, what more does he have to do to make up for this simple mistake? You say you KNOW he was with another girl. Where is your evidence? If you have hard facts, fine, kick him to the curb, but it doesn't sound like you do. Be very careful that you don't allow unsupported suspicions coupled with your own lack of self-esteem to cause a self-fulfilling prophesy! Who would want to continue to be in a relationship with a person who can't trust, assumes the worst at the least provocation and is overly controlling?
Perhaps you just didn't give enough information in your post. Does this guy have a reputation for poor behavior with women? Have you observed flirtatious behavior on his part toward other females? Or, are there other unexplained situations like mysterious phone calls, e-mails, etc? By all means, if he is screwing around, get out of the relationship today. It will be very difficult at first, but the pain does taper off then end, if you maintain no contact. You might want to read the book "Why Men Love Bitches" I think you would benefit from the information there. You can get it at your library or bookstore. Good luck...