Missing him to bad it hurtd

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2007
Missing him to bad it hurtd
1
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 7:37pm

Its been 2 weeks exactly since my ex and i broke up...its killing me inside i just dont know how to let him go. were at college togther and i have classes with his friends and im still bumping into pepole hes friends with and they ask me how he is...it makes me cry everytime. i have reminders of him everywhere at school...i cant escape it its like hes everywhere. i miss him not just as a boyfriend but as a person...he means this world to me and i cant stand that he lives 2 minutes up the road and i cant see him...all i want to do is call him but i cant. he was my world and i just dont know how to let go of someone i care about more than anything in this world. i thought i made him happy and deep down i know i did...but i cant help but feel like i should have done more. he was my first love and with him i shared so many firsts...things i never thought i would and i dont know how to forget them. he treated me like such a queen..i never thought someone would love me like that and i dont feel like anyone will again. i feel like my heart is just incomplete and so empty. i dont want to loose him forever...i feel inside like hes someone thats supposed to be in my life...i dont know if thats really true or because right now i dont know how to live without him...how can i move on in this environment im in where everything has him attached to it?...do i try to talk to him again...when? i just dont know how to handle losing someone like this...i never have before. i hate that i dont even know if hes suffering...i feel like he his when he left after the break up he cried in my arms for my minute...what the heck does that mean? then right before that when i was upset...he said relationships are great and then they just end and thats it...i know hes an emotional deep person but i feel like he has put this wall up...hes been drinking a lot and hanging out with all these younger girls and i feel so badly hes going to hookup with one of them and it makes me sick...he could have already and it just kills me that i dont know. he means this world to me and i find him nothing short of amazing so i cant even be mad...and i think thats what so much harder. sorry this is going on and on...i really need some advice from someone who has survived and come out on the other side in one piece
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2006
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 1:53am

Hi,

It has been 6 weeks since my breakup. Like you my ex was my first boyfriend, my first love, my first for so many things. I could not stop crying for the first couple of days and my heart felt so empty. I cried and talked to my friends for days. As time went on, my emotions went on a rollercoaster ride. There are days where I am laughing and smiling and there are days where I'm crying in the shower because I miss him so much. But things do get better. There are more days of me happy and less days of me crying. I still miss him and I still have to fight the urge to call him (I have his number memorized). He was my best friend and the person I was closes to, so not only did I lose a boyfriend but I lost my best friend. But I could not talk to him anymore like I use to. We tried at first to remain friends but it just hurt too much. Everytime we talk on the phone, things would be great at first but it always went back to the topic of way we broke up and then after the call, I would feel like he was breaking up with me all over again. I realize a couple of weeks ago that I could no longer keep in contact with him anymore. I realize that I do not want any contact with him anymore until I could talk to him without asking why we did not work.

You are not mad at him now, but the anger will usually eventually come. I thought my ex was perfect after the breakup and I thought that I would never be able to find someone like him. But as time pass with no contact with him, I started remembering all the bad things he did to me. I started to realized that the relationship was not that perfect. Everytime I remember when he did something to hurt me I would write it down in case I ever forget again.

My ex starting drinking a lot too after we brokeup. This was just his way of dealing with the breakup. He wanted to forget the pain and hide from what he was feeling. I think your ex is doing the same thing. He is running away from the breakup by drinking and hanging aroung these younger girls. I faced the pain head-on and I believe that I am the stronger person for it.

I have learned to live my life without him. I go to the gym more, I'm doing volunteer work, and I'm meeting more people. I have read lots of books and listen to tons of music. Right now, my favorite song is Irreplaceable song by Beyonce. Sometimes I would play this song over and over again when I'm feeling down. This song has a way of making me feel stronger. When I'm not doing anything is when I miss him the most. I wake up and plan out my day so that I'm bust all day and there's never a long span of time where I can sit around and think about him. Breakups are very hard and very painful but you will get get better. I never thought I will be where I am right now immediately after the breakup. I thought that the heartach would kill me and I never thought that I would live my life without him. But now, I am doing more than I ever did with him. Allow yourself to feel sad, allow yourself to cry, but know that you will get better.