mixed messages ???

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
mixed messages ???
7
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 9:24am

have not contacted him for 2 days . he called me yesterday and I did not pick up the phone. he said on the msg he hates seeing me sad and upset, we need to stop fighting in this way, and if things are going to improve it can't be done with me accusing him of things. (this you are right about cl). I did not call back. mainly because he has already said there is no chance for us to get back together, and I don't understand what he is saying about "things improving", "lets stop fighting like this". if he doesn't want me in his life how could either of these things even be applicable? KWIM? I didn't call and for the first time ever I really don't want to. its finally seeped in enough to realize why call someone who is going to tell you what you don't want to hear and already know they will say. Why would he call me and start with "if we want things to be better" after saying there is no way. mixed messages. i don't want them anymore. Part of me thinks he only called so he doesn't look like a "jerk"

I also see it as a mixed message when like i said he uses words like "if things are going to improve" etc. but like i said, i beleive the call was to make him feel better about not being a jerk

I took his number out of my phone and off my speed dial. i feel good about it. wish me luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 4:49pm
anyone?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 6:16pm

Good Luck to you. Isn't it empowering?

I blocked my exes email from coming in today. It keeps me from obsessively checking it, and also it protects me from any mixed signals, etc. and a general lack of effort on his part. I figure, if he really needs to speak to me, he has my number and he knows where I work.

Gal Blondie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 9:16pm
i am starting to feel weak again. i will not call i will not call i will not call
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2006
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 9:34pm

Hi Tiny L,

Have you read this article already:

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=20822.1&x=y

It is super-hard not to call, but maybe something in this article will help you. I don't know your full story (no one does really) but it sounds like you are getting into that place where you are a little frantic and it seems like the only thing that will make the feelings go away is to call, but at least give yourself some time to think about things, about what you really want.

I am a recovering "compulsive dialer" and it feels so much better this way. I am doing other things too -- in order to bring an overall sense of calm, which is what I believe is truly helping me just not feel the need to call.

Feel free to write back here, maybe it will help you get some of the desire to dial out of your system!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 11:34pm
i LOVE this article. thank you. THANK YOU
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2005
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 11:40pm

Hey, as someone who is going through the same thing, I know what you're feeling. The man I've been seeing, told me quite directly, "Let's not do this anymore. I don't want to be in a relationship anymore." I cried my eyes out, and spilled out my heart. I made it very clear that I felt used and lied to. It felt fantastic, and I did appreciate that he let me rant and rave for a good half hour about every emotion I was going through. At the end of the conversation, I was under the impression, that that was that. It was over. I was actually relieved because I let go of the anger when I was venting. I got my hair done, and went to the bar, and I met guys. I felt good.

Everyday, I've had a brand new message on my phone from him, saying, "I hope your doing okay, and that you're doing better." I've deleted every message, in attempt to keep his phone number off my cellphone...(sounds familiar????) But every morning, there's a new message. Today, I got the message, "Wanna come over?" I didn't answer.

I have to tell you, while it's tempting to go back, thinking he's changed, my ex is missing the point why I was upset in the first place. His threat to break up, was an attempt to get me back in line and to shut up and put up with nonsense. I'm sorry to say, until you get a direct apology, and some promise of change-don't bite. I also know my ex is realizing he lost his lover, and that's why there's a motive to get back on my good side. I don't trust him, and as in your case, don't trust that man, until he really sincerely acts the way you want him to, and not yapping out of desperation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 11:49pm
i agree. in my case, i very much doubt he wanted to get back together. i honestly beleive it was him wanting to not look like a jerk, and while he said things like "we can't fight like this" or "things cant' get better if", i think he was trying to look like a moral person. he didn't call me again after that. nothing today. i went through a hard spot about it a few hours ago but i am past it now. i try to focus on why im angry and that helps a bit. glad you didn't call your guy back. the image of me crying in the street and him walking away to go entertain houseguests he never met until that week is enough for me to stick to it. it makes me sick.