Mixed Signals

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2006
Mixed Signals
4
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 12:56am

So my X and I broke up 2 months ago. He walked out on myself and our 2 kids. We have continued having sex. About 5 times. Things with us have been off and on. One day we are fighting and the next we are like best friends. Well the other day he came over and asked me were I was going to move. I want to move far away from here as possible. I told him I didn't know. He says he is thinking about moving to chicago. I say "What, are you and your girlfriend gonna move there?" He says" It's not even like that." So I say "Oh, then your roommate gonna move in with you?" He says "Did I say anyone was going go with me?" And then he says " You should move with me." I didn't say anything. He then starts asking our 4 year old if he wants to go to Chicago sometime and go to the zoo. X says "mommy can come too." Then he asks me if I would like to go with him for a weekend. I ask who would go and he says us and the kids. So I am so confused about this.

The next day he takes the kids for a few hours and I go to pick them up. We start talking and I mumbled under my breathe how I want a new boyfriend. He asks me why. I say b/c I am sick of being so lonely when the kids go to be. He tells me I don't need a boyfriend and that he will come hang out with me. Well he didn't. He was to busy with his girfriend. And new years eve he said he will come over and we can hang out. Bet that don't happen.

So my question is... Why is he doing this. In a few months he will be getting a trust fund and have a lot of money. So I know that is when he will be moving and has told me he will finance me to move wherever I want to go. Obviously with him. We were togethr for 6 years and I do love him so much still. What is he telling me?????

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
In reply to: aerdna22006
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 10:34am
It sounds like he's having trouble pulling himself away from you, and the sex is creating mixed signals for both of you. He probably should not have so causally brought up the Chicago stuff to the kids, either. It sounds like he thinks he can have his cake and eat it too (have this girlfriend and you on the side), and he will continue to try as long as you let him. This is not fair to you or the girlfriend. I think that you guys need to really be a part from one another - no contact except about the kids -- and definitely no sex or talk about the future -- until you can both sort some of this out. This on again off again is just causing problems and confusion. If you want a new boyfriend, you have every right to that, and deserve more than just him when he feels like it. But I would suggest taking some time off from relationships altogether for a while. Give yourself a little longer to get settled without him, grieve, see what went wrong, etc. Unless he can really change his ways, he is going to continue to disappoint you. I would not let him back in my life until he has shown that he has taken certain steps to change.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
In reply to: aerdna22006
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 11:04am

We get what we put up with.

Susan

"Success is building a foundation wit

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
In reply to: aerdna22006
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 1:14pm

While I'm not quite as um, upset, as the previous poster, I will say that the sex needs to stop.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2006
In reply to: aerdna22006
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 1:58pm
You are right. He left me and I feel he now misses me and wishes we were back together. I sense that when he gets the money in april and moves, he wants me to move with him and start fresh. He hasn't said that, but I feel like he has hinted towards it. I feel sick though to know that he has already had 2 girlfriends since we broke up. He claims it is nothing serious. I am more hurt than ever and confused.